Our Peace Is a False Peace: Is Our Conversion Complete?

It is written in the Gospel of a certain rich young man who sought salvation and could not find it (Matt. 19:16-22). This young man wished to be saved and did something toward his salvation; but he had certain attachments which, as his conscience told him, were incompatible with the work of salvation. Hearing of the Savior, he sought conversation with Him, perhaps hoping to find in His teaching some justification for his secret misguided attitudes. «Perhaps,» he thought, «it is enough for salvation to do only those works that I do, and God will not condemn me for the wrongs that are in my heart.» As you know, he was mistaken in his hope. The Savior said to him such words that he departed from Him “«grieving»”. The Lord demanded of him as a sacrifice precisely what he wished to keep for himself. The young man had “«great possessions»” (Matt. 19:22), enjoyed them, and all that was connected with them: contentment, a visible position among others, honors, a certain degree of authority, and the ability to do through others and in the midst of others whatever he wished. He also performed good works, but they cost him nothing; their performance required no sacrifices from him. The Lord saw at first glance what infected the young man’s soul. Therefore, lightly touching upon what he did, He brought the full weight of His Divine determination down upon what he wished to hide in himself—upon his attachment to his possessions… He said: You have kept all the commandments… now, “«if you wish to be perfect, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor; and you will have treasure in heaven»”; abandon all, “«come and follow Me»” (Matt. 19:21).

To have treasure in heaven—what could be more precious? And yet the young man “«went away grieving»”… apparently because what he had on earth was dearer to him than what was promised in heaven. Meanwhile, we cannot say that he neglected salvation. All his trouble consisted in that he did not have complete conversion to God. He wished to save his soul and did not wish to cease loving the things of the world, yet these two things are incompatible… Where the Lord is, there is nothing worldly. And where there is something worldly, there is nothing of the Lord.

Having such an example of God’s disapproval of incomplete conversion to Him, let us turn, brothers, to ourselves and examine whether our conversion is complete. And if it is not, let us strive to make it complete. Are we so detached from everything that we can call ourselves ready at every moment for all that the Lord may require? And if we are not, let us take care to raise our detachment to that degree. For this is the chief thing—to offer everything in sacrifice to God’s will. When such a transformation has been accomplished within us, then our conversion is full and will encounter no obstacle in showing ourselves perfect, and the Lord in recognizing us as such in our deeds. Like a bird not bound and not enclosed in a cage, which flies freely through the air, so he who has wholly detached himself from the attractions of the world freely, unobstructed, acts in the realm of God’s will. But he who keeps some attachment in himself is free only so long as his deeds do not touch upon that attachment. As soon as the Lord requires it as a sacrifice, he becomes troubled, constrained, and then, like the young man, he departs from the Lord, although he departs grieving.

If one looks at the young man and those like him from the outside, one can pity them, saying: «See, how much they labored, and all for nothing!…» But if one were to analyze them truly, it would turn out that they never labored at all. The very first labor is the one before which they turn back. Sin, living in us or, rather, acting through it via the enemy, is very cunning and knows how to hide beneath the brightest respectability… It is known to all that each of us may have many disapproved dispositions and inclinations; but there are always one or two dominant ones around which all the others cluster. When the desire for salvation flares up, conscience demands to uproot all that is wrong, sparing ourselves no pain or regard for the sorrows of our heart. The inner work begins. The conscientious readily offer everything in sacrifice to the Lord. But souls that limp on both feet and suffer from self-pity, although they renounce much which costs them little, always keep for themselves what chiefly feeds their self-will, and thereby spoil everything. They think they have done much, but in reality they have done nothing; they think that with such and such deeds it is not very important to have some trait of sin-loving or world-loving, but in reality for them personally in this small thing lies all the sin and all the world.

As a tree, when many of its roots are cut but one is left, still lives and blooms and bears fruit, so sin and the world in us live wholly, although it seems we serve them only in a small way… And here is what comes of this: as one rootlet of ivy, spreading, entangles the whole tree and sometimes strangles it, so sin, remaining in us in any way, with its spirit fills our entire life and all our deeds, defiles them and makes them worthless in the eyes of God. Then the very deeds that are performed as if to please the Lord become instruments of the passion we nurture in ourselves—that is, piety becomes an instrument of sin and worldliness, and the appearance of serving God becomes a cover for unGodly deeds. And it turns out that we are fruit, fair to look upon, with rottenness or worm-eating inside. There are many people who love the world with a calm conscience. Fear of perdition forces them to do some deeds according to the commandments, while self-pity keeps them in service to the world and sin. They think they have improved, but in reality they are what the Lord says: “«neither hot” nor “cold, …therefore I will vomit you out of My mouth»” (Rev. 3:16). May the Lord spare us from this calamity!

Cain brought a sacrifice to God… and God paid no attention to it. Why? Because he offered what was not dear to him. Abraham is renowned throughout all the world as the father of believers because, at God’s requirement, he was ready to offer—indeed, offered in his heart to God—his beloved son, his only-begotten, he offered what was more precious to him than anything… God requires such sacrifices from each of us as well… And rightly! He Himself has done all for us and does so. It is not enough that He created us, preserves us, and provides for us. But when it was time to arrange our salvation, He did not employ some insignificant creation for this, but sent His only-begotten Son into the world, not to act here with power, but to be humiliated, tormented, and given up to death. After such a Sacrifice on the Lord’s part for us, before what sacrifice can we lawfully hold back for the Lord’s sake?! Those who in a hidden corner of the heart hide some idol of world-loving or sin-loving think perhaps that their cunning will not become known to anyone. True, Rachel succeeded in hiding the idol she had stolen from her father’s search. But how can one hide from the all-trying and all-seeing eye of God? We live and act before the face of God. Or perhaps someone thinks that what he withholds from worldly attachments and sinful habits is insignificant? But let everyone stand in his conscience before God and without distortion and concealment reason: when we are unwilling for the Lord’s sake to give up anything, this means the same as if we said to Him: «This is for You, and this is for me.» How can one do this when it is clear to us that He requires from us all, requires also what we withhold for ourselves? However insignificant may be what we keep in our heart from the world, yet as soon as we quarrel with God because of it, oppose Him, resist Him, then we are complete enemies of God. Worse: if we deny obedience to God for the sake of attachment to something, then that object of attachment is dearer to us than God. If dearer than God, then it is our god, for what is dearest to the heart, that is its god. Thus we have a god—what is not God—and we are idolaters… Is this little?

Would it not be better, brothers, after this to stop counting our world-loving attachments as insignificant and instead take care to awaken our sleeping conscience and compel it to zealously pursue complete detachment from all. Our peace, if we truly have peace, is a false peace. The righteous Lord will place us in such circumstances that all our inner self will be troubled, and the deviations of our heart will be revealed before all.

All this I offer to your love of wisdom, so that, having entered into yourselves, you may judge yourselves and ready yourselves as a gift to the Lord, our Savior, to offer and indeed to offer in deed all those beloved things displeasing to Him and your treasures, review and correct all the irregularities and wrongs of the heart that hide beneath external good order the worldly goals and passions, so that you may present yourselves to God as “«a pure virgin, …having no stain, or wrinkle, or any such thing»” (2 Cor. 11:2; Eph. 5:27). Amen.