Chapter 57
On Self-Condemnation and Salvation in the Lord
57.2.1 The mercy of God be with you!
57.3.1 And that’s wonderful! That’s exactly as it should be. You scold yourself thoroughly and address yourself with the most unattractive names.[1] And that’s as it should be. That’s ruin—when someone says of himself that he’s right in everything and has nothing to repent of. Excellent, excellent! Go on doing this, and go deeper and deeper into self-condemnation.[2] Only be careful about two things: first, that your self-condemnation is not merely in words while your heart remains self-satisfied; and second, that even as you acknowledge your worthlessness, you do not lose your hope of salvation in the Lord Jesus Christ. The second point is more important than the first. You must feel about yourself as a drowning man feels when he has grabbed hold of a plank—a strong plank that can lift him up and carry him over the abyss. He constantly feels that he is about to perish, but at the same time he feels the life-saving plank beneath him. This is the true image of every soul that is genuinely saved in the Lord. It feels that by itself it is perishing; but at the same time it feels that there is salvation through the Lord—by faith in Him. I urge you to restore this feeling in yourself, if it has grown weak. For in this lies the essence of personal Christianity—that is, of the faith living in every soul.[3]
57.4.1 Deepen yourself in the Jesus Prayer with all the strength you have. It will gather you, make you feel the power in the Lord, and bring it about that you remain inseparable from Him—whether you are alone, or in the company of others, whether you are managing your household or reading or praying. Only do not place the power of this prayer in the mere repetition of familiar words, but in turning your intellect and heart toward the Lord as you speak them. Both together.
57.5.1 You do not have permission to withdraw into solitude. Be willing to live as you have been living, only in all things with fear of God, to the glory of the Lord, in simplicity of heart.
57.6.1 The conversations held in the evenings are a good thing. I’ll give you an example. One beauty (seventy-two years old) (they used to say about her) had a habit, whenever a monk or priest came to visit her, of opening a book and saying: ‘Come on now, read this and tell me what it’s all about – I just can’t seem to make sense of it.’ And she would listen to what he said. And she wouldn’t bat an eye, even if he was talking nonsense, because she understood the whole matter perfectly well. Please keep a spirit of humility in all this.
57.7.1 And less giving orders... More prayers for enlightenment; The Egyptian elders, when they held conversations, would always first seek absolution from those who were weaker, in order to encourage them and spur them on to greater dedication to the work.
57.8.1 Forgive me for not answering sooner. It’s all slothfulness! You don’t know how much slothfulness I have... Oh! Oh! I call her my faithful one—she’s taken me in hand and won’t let me utter a peep.[4]
57.9.1 I wish you every blessing from the Lord.
57.10.1 Pray to God for me. And I ask all of you to pray for my sinfulness.
57.11.1 Your intercessor, Bishop Theophan.
57.12.1 With fasting!
57.13.1 I wish you to spend your time in a way that is salvific for the soul.[5]
57.14.1