Continued on Zeal and the Resolve to Live by Grace. Inner Recollectedness. The Brightening of the Soul’s Envelope. The Different Degrees of This Brightening

I am very gladdened by your desire to be reborn. You have surged with desire, but may the Lord bless you and bring this desire to resolution—and then bring your resolution into actual deed, which in its letters is not so complicated or lengthy, but in its essential meaning must be the labor of an entire life. How to arrive at resolution—about this we shall speak later. For now I will speak a little more about what will be at the end. A clear and luminous vision of the end of some undertaking sustains in corresponding tension the energy of one’s powers toward completing it.

Last time I wrote to you that we must willingly give the grace of God—received by us in baptism—room to permeate, like leaven, our entire being in all its parts and particles; then I added that from the time of baptism it immediately begins to act and, if it meets no hindrance, accomplishes everything possible in the soul alone, in the expectation that, having come of age, the soul will also by its own will choose those first-fruits of a Christ-like, God-pleasing life already laid down by grace. When, having come of age, one takes one’s conscious and free stand on the side of grace, grace then teaches the person himself how to manage himself and remake everything in himself, and does not leave him until it has brought its work to completion—provided the person does not begin to resist it with his own will. You now stand at that moment in life when your will and freedom are confronted with the choice: to stand on the side of grace or on the side opposed to it. Let us suppose that you have chosen the former and have arrived through life’s labors at the blessed end of the life of grace. In what form, do you think, will your inward state then be contemplated? As a radiant star, everywhere sending forth its bright rays. That is how it is!

Remember, you said that you could not manage your thoughts, and then you wrote that I had apparently spoiled you with my words, since before you everything had been better, but since you began to look into yourself according to my directions you see only disorder—thoughts, feelings, desires all going in different directions, with no strength to bring them into any order. Here is the answer to why this is so: there is no center. And there is no center because you have not yet decided with your own consciousness and free choice which side to take. Until now the grace of God was establishing in you such order as was possible, and it was and is there. But henceforth it will no longer act alone; it will wait for your decision. And if you do not stand on its side through your choice and decision, it will withdraw from you altogether and leave you in the hands of your own will. You will be drawn to the opposite side and may even choose it with your heart—but do not expect that this direction will lessen the disorder within you. No, an even greater turmoil and confusion will take up residence there. The ordering of your inward life will begin only when you stand on the side of grace and make the patterns of life in its spirit an inviolable law of your life. From the moment such a resolution forms in you, a center will form within you—a powerful center that will begin to draw everything within you toward itself. In this center will be grace, which has taken hold of your consciousness and freedom, or your consciousness and freedom united with grace. This is the same as what was earlier called the resurrection, or restoration, of the spirit. To this center the grace of God will then begin to draw all the other powers of your nature—both the soul’s powers and the body’s—and to govern all their activity, retaining in them what is good and destroying all that is not good. This drawing of everything to one center and the directing of everything toward it is the inner regeneration that you desired with such an impulse. When this regeneration is completed, then everything—great and small alike—will proceed from one center, and within you a most perfect harmony will be established, and the peace of God, surpassing all understanding, will overshadow the inner dwelling of your nature. ”And the God… of peace will be with you” (2 Cor. 13:11)! What a rapturous and most blessed state! You have surged with desire toward something very worthy of your desire.

Now please recall what was said about a certain pervasive, most subtle element that penetrates everything and is akin to the outer sheath of our soul. When the soul is outside of grace, its sheath is either dark as the darkest night—if one indulges the passions and serves them—or gray, like an indeterminate fog, when one is not too much given to the passions but nevertheless lives in vanity. Under the action of grace, however, as the soul is permeated by it, the sheath too gradually brightens, just as overcast weather ordinarily clears. When the soul is entirely permeated by grace, then its sheath too becomes brilliantly luminous throughout. Since everything inward is in this case drawn toward the one center from which all inner movements and actions proceed, the bright luminosity of the sheath also appears to issue from that same center in the wake of its spiritual actions. This is what radiance is. The inward life of one filled with grace shines like a star—not only with spiritual, but also with physical light.

This inner radiance in such persons not infrequently breaks through to the outside as well and is visible to others. While in St. Petersburg in the 1840s, I had heard of this from certain people and very much desired to see it with my own eyes. It came about that I received a certain monk in whom the perceptible actions of grace had already begun to manifest. A conversation about spiritual things began. As he entered into himself and his thought deepened, his face grew brighter and brighter, and then became all white, like snow, and his eyes sparkled. And of Father Seraphim of Sarov they say that he often grew radiant, especially during prayer in church, visibly to all. Of such manifestations there are many accounts in the Patericon. Of one father it is written, for example, that as soon as he stood for prayer and raised his hands to heaven, streams of light flowed from all the fingers of both his hands for a considerable distance. Of another it is said that his disciple came to him for something and knocked, but there was no answer. He stooped to look through the keyhole and saw the elder standing all in fire, like a pillar of light. And there are very many such accounts. About St. Tikhon too I heard something similar when I was still a child. The Transfiguration of the Lord, when He appeared all radiant with light (Mt. 17:2), is of the same origin.

Such radiance, upon the transition to the other life, already manifests itself naturally of its own accord—for then this coarse body falls away and ceases to prevent it from being visible to others. I already mentioned to you how the holy Anthony the Great, sitting once and conversing with his disciples, turned his eyes toward heaven and, having gazed for some time, said: “I saw a pillar of light ascending from earth to heaven. This was the soul of Ammon soaring to the Lord.” Many such visions have been recorded. And this is beyond doubt: only those will enter the Heavenly Kingdom in whom the grace of God, having been received, has begun its work to some degree—even if it has not yet managed to permeate the whole of their nature.

Recall the parable of the ten virgins (Mt. 25:1–13). The five foolish ones did not enter the bridal chamber because they had no oil burning in their lamps. This means that, having received grace just as all did, they had not taken care to kindle it in themselves and had not labored over themselves to give it full room to act within them. They quenched grace—and no light was found, for there is nowhere else from which it can arise in us except from grace.

Imagine how stricken they were when they stood at the very door and were turned away, and heard the bridegroom’s voice—not calling, but driving them away. Lord, have mercy! A most bitter fate! Turn this moment over in your mind more often, and with all anxiety take care above all else to reach the point where something similar will not be repeated in your own case.

May the Lord bless you!