After Repentance and Communion, One Who Has Entered the Path of True Life Must Establish Inner Peace. Rules for Dispelling Inner Disorder: Unceasing Remembrance of God, the Resolve to Act in All Things—Great and Small—According to Conscience, and Patient Expectation of Progress
I wish to offer you a few more pointers on what you now need as you set out upon the new path.
That our spirit is a fallen spirit—this everyone who resolves to observe what goes on within us, even for the course of a single day, comes to know with palpable certainty. I have already spoken of this with you long ago. Recall: namely, that within us there is turmoil, that this turmoil entered unlawfully and must therefore be cut off. Indeed, you yourself once wrote that you could not manage the uncontrollable restlessness within. Let me renew the description of this condition in a few words.
The thoughts of our mind are all turned toward earthly things, and there is no lifting them to heaven. Their object is the vain, the sensory, the sinful. Have you seen how fog lies along a valley? That is the precise image of our thoughts. They all crawl and drift along the ground. But beyond this low-crawling character, they also seethe incessantly, never resting on one thing, milling about like a swarm of gnats in summer. And yet they do not remain without effect.
No—beneath them lies the heart, and from them blows fall upon this heart without ceasing, producing a corresponding effect. Whatever the thought, such is the stirring of the heart. Hence joy, then vexation, then envy, then fear, then hope, then self-assurance, then despair—each arises in the heart one after another. There is no rest and no order, just as there is none in the thoughts. The heart trembles incessantly from feelings, like an aspen leaf.
And the matter does not stop there. Thought combined with feeling always gives rise to desire, more or less intense. Beneath the tossing thoughts and feelings, desires toss about in disorder as well: to acquire this, to discard that; to do good to one person, to take revenge on another; now to flee from everyone, now to step forward to the center and act; in one thing to comply, in another to insist on one’s own way—and so on and on and on. Not that all of this is carried out, but plans now for this, now for that, swarm ceaselessly in the soul. Watch yourself when, for instance, you are sitting at your work—you will see all of this happening within you, as if on a stage.
Such is the disorder and turmoil within us. From it comes disorder in life as well, and a kind of darkness all around. And do not expect an orderly life until you have put an end to this inner disorder. It causes a great deal of harm on its own, but it is especially pernicious because demons sit beside it and spin and stir things up inside yet further, directing everything toward harm to us and to our ruin.
When during the period of preparation you were examining yourself and resolving to put aside some things and add others, you certainly could not have failed to turn your attention to this inner turmoil as well, and to arm yourself against it with fitting zeal. And please: above all and before all else, press hard against this inner enemy.
You have made a firm resolve to serve the Lord and to belong to Him alone from this day forward. The sacrament of repentance has granted you forgiveness in all things and has made you pure before the face of God. Holy Communion has brought you into closest communion—or renewed your communion—with the Lord Jesus Christ, and has filled you with every gracious power. And now you are equipped for the work.
If it were enough for the correction of our inner life simply to wish it—and everything there would at once appear in the finest order—or to give one’s word, and the deed would follow immediately upon the word, then you would have nothing more to trouble yourself about. Everything would go for you as well as one could possibly desire. But such is the law of morally free life, and especially in a being that is damaged, that even when there is firm resolve and grace-filled help stands ready, one must still strive and struggle—and first of all with oneself.
Our inner life never suddenly falls into proper order. After receiving a good intention and being granted the aid of grace through the sacraments, there remains again the pressing need for intensified labor upon oneself and upon one’s inner life—labor and effort directed toward destroying the disorder that reigns within and establishing in its place order and structure, from which inner peace will follow, along with a constant and gladdening state of the heart.
And this is precisely what now lies before you! Do not think, however, that in order to accomplish this you must redo a whole heap of things or burden yourself with no end of rules. Not at all. Two or three small rules, two or three precautions—and that is all.
There is disorder within—you know this from experience. It must be destroyed—this you desire, and to this you have resolved. Take hold, then, directly of the task of removing the cause of this disorder. The cause of the disorder is that our spirit has lost its natural point of support. Its support is in God. The spirit returns to that support through the remembrance of God. And so, the first thing: one must train oneself in unceasing remembrance of God, with fear and reverence. Last time I wrote to you about this, and you agreed to it. You know what method must be used for this, and you have already begun. God bless you! Please continue this labor without interruption. Be with the Lord always, whatever you may be doing, and turn your mind to Him continually, striving to hold yourself as one holds oneself in the presence of a king. You will form the habit quickly—only do not abandon it or break it off. If you faithfully fulfill this small rule, it will press the inner tumult from within; and though it will still break through—now in the form of empty and unworthy thoughts, now in the form of inappropriate feelings and desires—you will immediately notice this wrongness and drive away these uninvited guests, hastening each time to restore singleness of mind upon the one Lord.
I encourage you! Take hold more zealously and continue without interruption—and you will soon reach what you seek. Reverent attention fixed upon the one God will become established, and with Him will come inner peace. I say “soon”—yet not in a day or two. Months may be required. Oh, if only not years! Ask the Lord, and He Himself will help you.
In assistance toward this, add the following as well: to do nothing that conscience forbids, and to omit nothing that it commands, whether great or small. Conscience is always our moral lever. The reason why the little children within us—our thoughts, feelings, and desires—give themselves over to impermissible mischief is, among other things, that conscience has lost its power. Restore that power to it by showing it complete obedience. You have now enlightened your conscience by clarifying everything you ought to do and refrain from doing. Please follow this consistently and so resolutely that you would sooner die than allow yourself to act against your conscience. The more resolutely you act in this way, the more powerful conscience will become; the more fully and strongly it will suggest to you what is right and turn you away from what is wrong—in deeds, words, and thoughts alike—and your inner life will be set in order more swiftly. Conscience together with reverent remembrance of God is the living spring of true spiritual life. Recall what was said about the spirit at the beginning of our correspondence.[1]
Beyond these two rules, nothing more is required. Only add patience to them. Success will not come at once; one must wait, laboring all the while, however, without weariness. One must labor and, above all, yield nothing to self-indulgence or indulgence of the world. Constant resistance to the order you have begun will arise. You must overcome it—which means you must exert your strength and, therefore, endure. Clothe yourself, then, in this all-powerful weapon, and never lose heart when you see setbacks. Everything will come in time. Let this hope animate you in your patience. That this is indeed how it goes has been confirmed by the experience of all people who have sought and worked out their salvation.
So that is all! To remember God with reverence, to follow your conscience, and to arm yourself with patience and hope. These few things are the seed of everything. May the Lord bless you to be so attuned and to stand firm in this attunement.