Temptations From Family Troubles. Obedience to Parents as Preparation for Monastic Obedience

May the mercy of God be with you!

Here we go again! First the enemy wanted to make you an unbeliever, and now he is making you a rebel—and against whom? Against your own parents.

Good heavens, what a murmuring letter this is of yours! And what exactly happened there? A flea must have bitten you. I can only guess that it is some trifling matter, not even worth mentioning. Yet in your mind it has been magnified to such a size that you cannot take it all in at a glance. It is all the enemy, all the enemy. He is driving you out from under your parents’ roof so as to break your neck. And so he inflates every trifle into a mountain that crushes you. You cannot even describe what it is. I will tell you in advance that there is nothing to describe. This is the enemy’s usual trick—to entangle our minds with vague indefiniteness. Both the griefs he stirs up and his foolish consolations he knows how to cover with such illusions that, seeing nothing definite in them, people nonetheless think they amount to something enormous. But once you begin to examine them—everything dissolves: there is neither sorrow nor comfort where he pointed out mountains of them. It is all deception. And now he has set up a deception over you. Be so good as to make the sign of the cross and spit upon the enemy’s counsels.

Unpleasantnesses, unpleasantnesses! I am certain there are none at all. But suppose there really are—is that a reason to run away from them? They must be borne with cheerfulness and with gratitude to the Lord. The enemy is the one fanning these flames in you. When a soldier meets an enemy, should he run? He must fight. And so must you. But what are you doing? The enemy has merely shown his horns by stirring up some unpleasantness, and you are already ready to flee. Do not even think of it. From under your parents’ roof, after the intention you have taken on not to bind yourself in marriage, there are only two ways out for you: either to a monastery, or to the sisters of mercy—one or the other, with the blessing of your parents themselves. As long as neither has been arranged, sit at home and endure everything. Be so good as to stand before the Lord right now, sincerely repent of your bad agitation, and speak a firm resolve: “I will wait, I will bear all things with cheerfulness. May Your will be done in all things, O Lord!”

I cannot understand how you can fall into disagreement with your parents about anything at all. If it concerns some point of opinion about a matter, why not yield every time with humility? They are older and more experienced than you. You ought sooner to acknowledge the error in judgment as your own than to suppose it lies with them. So assume: “Surely, I am seeing poorly”—and agree with their view. If it concerns some arrangements in the household, again do it their way, and that is the end of it. If there is something you genuinely cannot do, explain that you cannot, and again that is the end of it. If they still insist, do as best you can. And I simply cannot think of any kind of discord in your situation that could not be settled. In all things the enemy is making a mountain out of a molehill.

But perhaps you want everything to go just as you please? What a proud girl! Not only is this unlawful in anything pertaining to the household, but even in what concerns you yourself. Be so good as to devote yourself to complete obedience to your parents and do everything for their pleasure, so as to set their minds at rest. This will be a preparatory training for the future monastic obedience, or for the cooperative spirit required in the community of the sisters of mercy. See, the Apostle has laid it down as a law for all to submit to one another ”in the fear of God” (Eph. 5:21). And you take it upon yourself to contradict your parents and fall into disagreement with them, without the fear of God. What does this look like? In whose school did you learn such wisdom?

“See” then, I repeat to you once more, ”that you walk carefully” (Eph. 5:15)! The Lord bless you!