3. For Those Who Do Not Receive Holy Communion Because They Consider Themselves Unworthy to Do So

There are people who do not receive Holy Communion because they consider themselves unworthy to receive it. How is one to look upon this? In our view, one must look at it thus: that such people recognize their unworthiness is good; if, while recognizing their unworthiness, they also refrain from communion because their spiritual father does not permit them to approach, this too is good. But if such people exclude themselves from Holy Communion on their own authority, this latter practice cannot be approved, because however one reasons about it, a person cannot be saved without receiving Holy Communion. Unless you eat, says the Lord, the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have no life in you (John 6:53). Yes, those who exclude themselves from Holy Communion on their own authority cannot be approved, and on this point we shall present a further proof. One of the disciples of the blessed elder Seraphim of Sarov relates the following about himself. “I,” he says, “by the blessing of Father Seraphim, received the most pure Mysteries on all twelve major feasts. The day before I was to receive, I was to eat only once and then with restraint; on other days I ate twice a day, together with the brothers. Once, on the eve of a major feast, after the early liturgy, I drank tea and ate a piece of prosphora; when everyone went to the trapeza I went there too and ate. After Vespers a guest came to see me and, treating him to the brothers’ food, I ate again with him. After this I suddenly remembered that the present day was the eve of a major feast and that I was to receive Holy Communion, and therefore ought to have eaten only once that day. Then I began to lose heart, and the more I thought about it, the more I despaired. A multitude of terrifying thoughts crowded into my mind one after another… It seemed to me that if I dared approach the sacred table, the Lord would strike me dead. Despite this inner struggle, however, I tried by every means to overcome it, so as not to deprive myself of the holy sacrament, and in preparation I read the rule and then made my confession. But although the spiritual father gave me absolution, saying I should approach Holy Communion without any anxiety, since the merits of our Lord Jesus Christ resolve all our sins, I still could not find peace of soul. The enemy did not want to relinquish his apparent prey and tried by every means to keep my soul from uniting with the most sweet Jesus. The next day, during the liturgy, he fell upon me with those same destructive thoughts, and with far greater intensity. When I put on, by the blessing of the serving priest, the surplice in which I customarily received Holy Communion, my torments reached their peak. Instead of trusting in the merits of Christ the Savior, which cover all transgressions, it seemed to me that by God’s judgment, for my unworthiness and contempt of the elder’s commandment, I would either be consumed by fire or swallowed alive by the earth in full view of all those standing in the church, the very moment I approached the holy chalice. I was already burning all over with hellish fire and was visibly perishing in despair—at that very instant some inexplicable impulse called me into the holy altar, and without any deliberation I followed it, as though in answer to the call of my guardian angel, through the prayers of Father Seraphim. This was the very moment when the elder had just received Holy Communion, and the serving priest was preparing to open the royal doors. I looked at Father Seraphim and saw that he made a sign to me with his hand. With fear and reverence I walked around the holy altar table and fell at Father Seraphim’s feet. The elder raised me up, embraced me, and said: ‘If we filled an ocean with our tears, we still could not repay the Lord for what He pours out upon us freely, nourishing us with His most pure body and blood, which wash us, cleanse us, give us life, and raise us up. So approach, without doubt, and be not troubled; only believe that this is the true body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ, given for the healing of all our sins.’ I again fell at the elder’s feet, kissed his hands, and left the altar in rapture and awe at the unspeakable mercy of the Lord, who had shown me in Father Seraphim such a gift of clairvoyance and a spirit of wisdom. And through his prayers I was counted worthy on that occasion to receive the most pure Mysteries with such joy and rapture, and with such faith and love as, in my opinion, I had never before received them.”

Thus, those who exclude themselves on their own authority from receiving Holy Communion, judging themselves unworthy to receive it, truly cannot be approved—for the enemy of our salvation often prompts such people to withdraw from communion, as the above-mentioned disciple of the elder experienced. “The enemy,” he says, “tried by every means to keep my soul from uniting with the most sweet Jesus… The enemy fell upon me with those same destructive thoughts the next day.” But apart from this, sound reasoning also argues against approving willful withdrawal from Holy Communion. People do not receive communion because they consider themselves unworthy. But who told them that they will ever be worthy? And if they themselves ever say that they are worthy of it, they will only thereby display their pride and commit grave sin—for before communion one must not boast of one’s worth, but acknowledge one’s unworthiness and sinfulness. I believe, O Lord, and I confess that You are truly the Christ, the Son of the living God, who came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the first — so must the one who approaches communion say—that is, declare that he is the foremost of sinners, and not praise himself like the Pharisee or boast of his supposed merits and achievements before God.

Therefore, you who voluntarily withdraw from receiving Holy Communion because of your awareness of unworthiness—henceforth do not exclude yourselves from communion without the will of your spiritual father. If he does not permit you to receive communion for the time being, then do not receive; but if he permits and gives his blessing, then approach boldly the throne of grace, remembering that the blood of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, cleanses us from all sin (1 John 1:7). Amen.