32. For the Most Part, Children Turn Out to Be Just Like Their Parents

The folk saying goes: “The apple does not fall far from the tree.” What does this mean? What does the proverb point to with these words? It points, in our view, chiefly to the fact that as the parents are, so in most cases are the children. Good parents, good children; bad the former, and very often the latter turn out the same. Can one agree with this? Is there truth in the proverb’s words? In the life of the venerable Seraphim of Sarov it is written that his childhood educator was his mother Agathia and that she taught her young son not so much by word as by the example of her life. What kind of example did she give him? “She,” it is said, “was distinguished both by personal piety and by charity to her neighbors. During her husband’s lifetime and after his death she helped the poor, especially orphans, not refusing them even in cases when they asked her to outfit the household of a poor girl entering into marriage—which of course required a considerable outlay. In accordance with her husband’s wishes and her own feelings, for many years she continued the construction of a church, personally overseeing the progress and success of the work, and brought the temple to its final completion” (“Life of the Venerable Seraphim,” p. 8). Did such a life of the mother leave its mark on the life of her son? Yes, it did. Her charity, it is further said in the life of the venerable elder, and her love for the churches of God and for prayer planted in the heart of the boy Seraphim the seeds of that concern for the poor and orphans, that love for the beauty of God’s churches, and that zeal for prayer, by which he was distinguished from his early years (p. 9). His heart drew him to where he could acquire spiritual treasure and the eternal salvation of his soul. He passed almost no day without visiting God’s church… After home prayer he hastened to the morning divine service, to offer his prayers to God there as well. On Sundays and feast days he especially loved to occupy himself with reading spiritually edifying books, sometimes gathering his companions to listen to the reading. Thus the life of the mother left its mark on the life of the son and confirmed the words: “The apple does not fall far from the tree.” Now let us see whether it is true that bad parents have bad children. A certain son had a bad mother. Giving him no good example of herself, she raised her child so negligently that she not only did not punish him for bad behavior but did not even scold him. The son drank, rioted, and stole; the mother not only did not stop him but strove in every way to defend him and conceal his vices from others—and it ended with his becoming a robber and then perishing on the gallows (Teachings of Piskarev, Part 1, pp. 54-55). Once again, then, it is true that the apple does not fall far from the tree.

To what should everything said lead us? Of course, to this: that if we wish our children to be like beautiful fruit falling from a beautiful tree, we ourselves should strive to be fruitful trees in the vineyard of Christ—that we ourselves should first of all grow in goodness, blossom in righteousness, and ripen in holiness. And if we conduct ourselves in this way, then our goodness, righteousness, and holiness will, we may hope, pass on to our children even without any particular prompting, and will make them children of holiness, love, and blessing. Then, naturally, the children will absorb and take as their own our piety and virtues, will themselves grow in all that is good and beautiful, will find sincere consolation and joy in works of piety and in prayer, and will be a great consolation for us, their parents. May the Lord grant that all this be so! Amen.