Counsel on the Marriage Bed; to the Unmarried and Widows (1 Corinthians 7:3–9)

1 Cor. 7:3. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.

“Conjugal rights”—οφειλομενην ευνοιαν—can also mean due loyalty, for ευνοια properly means good will; let each of the married persons maintain that good will so as not to know another. In other manuscripts, instead of the stated word stands οφειλην—duty, understood as the marriage debt, that is, loyalty. So it stands in the Sinai and Vatican manuscripts. So it seems the holy Chrysostom also read. The Apostle’s thought is that husband and wife should preserve mutual loyalty, by good disposition toward each other. The blessed Theodoret explains it thus: “The Apostle legislates on this matter of continence (conjugal—loyalty), commanding both husband and wife equally to bear the marriage yoke (Oecumenius πιστιν—loyalty), and not to look elsewhere, not to break the bonds, but to nurture due love for each other. He first gave this law to the husband, because the husband is the head of the wife. Human laws prescribe that women be chaste (loyal) and punish those who violate this law, but they do not require equal continence (loyalty) from men; for men, as lawmakers, have not concerned themselves with equality but have granted concession to themselves. But the divine Apostle, inspired by God’s grace, prescribes continence (loyalty) by law to husbands first. And since it happened that either husbands or wives, loving continence and without consent of those living with them in marriage, abstained from marital relations, then, as was fitting, he also gives a commandment about this.”

1 Cor. 7:4. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

“Since the marriage law has made them one flesh, the Apostle justly calls the wife’s body as belonging to the husband, and also the husband’s body as being under the wife’s authority. But here to the wives he first spoke the law, because women mostly, more than men, are accustomed to love continence” (Theodoret). “The wife, he says, is not mistress of her own body, but is both slave and mistress of her husband. The same he says to the husband, showing that neither of the spouses is master over himself, but that they are slaves to each other. Therefore, when you see that a harlot tempts you, say: my body does not belong to me, but to my wife. The same let the wife say when someone were to attempt to violate her chastity: my body does not belong to me, but to my husband. In some places of Scripture more advantage is given to the husband, but here the Apostle assigns to both equal authority, neither more nor less. Why? Because here he is speaking about continence. In other respects, he says, let the husband have the advantage, but in continence there is none; the husband does not have authority over his own body, just as neither does the wife—perfect equality and no advantage at all” (holy Chrysostom).

1 Cor. 7:5. Do not deprive one another except perhaps by agreement for a set time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

“What does this mean? The wife ought not, he says, to be continent against the will of her husband, and the husband ought not to be continent against the will of his wife. Why? Because great evil comes from such continence; from this often came adultery, fornication, and domestic disorder. For if some, having their wives, give themselves to adultery, how much more will they give themselves to it if you deprive them of this comfort? He spoke well in saying ‘do not deprive one another’; for to be continent when one wishes it against the will of another means to deprive, but if willing, it does not. So, if you take something from me with my consent, it will not be deprivation for me; he deprives who takes against my will and by force. Many wives do this, violating justice and thus giving their husbands cause for licentiousness and bringing all into disorder. Agreement should be preferred to everything; it is most important of all. If you wish, we can demonstrate this by experience. Let one of the spouses, the wife, be continent while the husband does not wish this. What will happen? Will he not then give himself to adultery, or if he does not give himself to adultery, will he not sorrow, be anxious, become irritable, angry, and cause his wife much unpleasantness? What benefit comes from fasting and continence when love is violated? None. How much sorrow will inevitably come from this, how much trouble, how many conflicts! If in a house the husband and wife do not agree with each other, their home is no better than a ship tossed by waves, on which the helmsman does not agree with the steersman. Therefore the Apostle says: ‘Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a set time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer’. Here he means prayer performed with special diligence, for if he forbade those who come together to pray, how could one fulfill the commandment of unceasing prayer? Consequently one can both lie with a wife and pray, but with continence prayer is more perfect. He did not simply say ‘pray,’ but ‘devote yourselves to prayer,’ because the marriage act only diverts from this, not producing defilement. ‘But then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you’. Lest they think this a law, he adds also the reason. What? ‘So that Satan may not tempt you.’ And lest they know that not the devil alone is the cause of adultery, he adds: ‘because of your lack of self-control’ (holy Chrysostom). He commands to be continent during times of fasting for more fervent prayer: this can apply to all church fasts, especially to the preparatory fast. He counsels to cease continence—‘so that Satan may not tempt.’ Consequently, if there is no danger, one can continue continence. It is evident that the Apostle wished continence to be held as a law, and to come together only when yielding to extreme necessity, which is determined not by desires, but by nature, and indeed not by nature but by prudence.”

1 Cor. 7:6. This I say by way of concession, not of command.

That at certain times spouses should be continent is a law of nature. To this nature’s law is added the requirement of the law of pleasing God. But how to arrange and order all this, this cannot be determined by prescriptions. It is left to the mutual agreement and prudence of the spouses. “By way of concession,” as a concession I propose in the manner of advice; “not of command,” I do not give as a command; my word does not have the force of a legal prescription.

f) Counsel to the unmarried and widows (1 Cor. 7:7–9)

1 Cor. 7:7. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one having this gift and another that.

Intending to propose something difficult and not easy to fulfill, he sets himself up as an example as a leader in overcoming difficulties. “I wish,” from a desire that all have substantial good, “that all were as I myself am,”—that is, unmarried, because this is the better path to Christian perfection, to a tranquil life, to unhindered approach to the Lord. Example is stronger than teaching, however persuasive it may be. The Apostle does this: he offers the better choice, and to incline toward choosing it, “presents himself as an example, being forced to open to us the riches of his own chastity” (Theodoret). He says: does anyone not wish to go this path? Go, without excusing yourself by impossibility, for here I go. I would very much wish that all of you were as I am. “But each has his own gift from God, one having this gift and another that.” I wish it, but I do not compel; everyone must see for himself what is better. Each has his own gift from God. The gift here is not a natural disposition, but the measure of gracious awakening and stirring of spiritual life, though not without relation to nature. In one, the spirit is so aroused and strengthened by grace that it makes all bodily and mental demands fall silent at once; in another, although the requirements of the spirit stand out strongly, the lower needs also speak their voice, and it remains for him to struggle in order to give himself wholly to spiritual life; in another both are equally strong, and it remains for him only to arrange things so that the requirements of the spirit take the first place and govern all, allowing their own measure of satisfaction to the soul and body. And because of this, those two live unmarried in God, while this third seeks to please God in marriage: “one having this gift and another that.” And this latter way of life does not block the path to God. The blessed Theodoret writes: “The Apostle also comforted those living in marriage, calling marriage itself a gift from God. Helped by God’s grace, a person prospers in chastity (and every virtue) even in married life; grace helps all who bring forth good zeal from themselves; for it is said: ‘Ask and it will be given you, seek and you will find’ (Matt. 7:7).”

1 Cor. 7:8. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is well for them to remain single as I am.

“Having established fitting laws for those living in marriage, the Apostle writes what ought to be done by those who have not taken on the marriage yoke, or who took it on but then these bonds were broken by death, and they mourn their widowhood” (Theodoret). That is, “the unmarried and the widows.” Some say that in correspondence with widows, by “unmarried” one should understand widowers. Would it not be better, with unmarried men to also understand unmarried women, and with widows also widowers? The Apostle’s aim is to give instruction to those who are outside the marriage union, after he has spoken to those in it; and there are two classes of such people: some who have never married, and others who have become widowed after marriage. What does he say to them? It is well for them to remain as I am—that is, for some not to marry at all, and for others not to enter into marriage after widowhood. “The Apostle again shows that he is among those who have not entered into marriage, for there was no reason to include himself among widowers—one who was still young when he received the calling (to the Apostolate). Let no one think that he legislates the unmarried life for men only and continence after marriage for women only. For he teaches both one sex and the other in this regard” (Theodoret).

1 Cor. 7:9. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

“The Apostle calls not temporary stirrings of lust but the enslavement of the soul and its inclination toward the worse, burning. What he says means: both for you who have no part in marriage relations, and for you who were united but then freed from the marriage bond by death, it is better to prefer continence. But if you cannot bear the assaults of lust, and your soul is weak for this struggle because there is in it no ardent zeal for the good, then no law forbids you to enter into marriage” (Theodoret).

“Do you see the wisdom of Paul, how he both shows the excellence of continence and does not compel those who cannot be continent, lest some sin occur? ‘For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.’ He expresses how great the power of lust is. And the meaning of his words is this: if you feel a strong attraction and burning, free yourself from the yoke of continence, so that you do not become debauched” (holy Chrysostom).