Christian Life in the Household (Colossians 3:18–4:1)

The stations to which the holy Paul now turns our attention are: a) family life (Col. 3:18–25, 4:1); b) church life (Col. 4:2–4); and c) civil life (Col. 4:5, 6). The Apostle does not address all aspects of these stations, but only the chief matters, or those which he deemed it necessary to address given the condition of the Colossians.

a) Life of Christians in the Family (Col. 3:18–25, 4:1).

The Apostle dwells more on family life, because nearly everyone spends life chiefly in the family. The Apostle considers the situation of all persons commonly found in a family and determines by rules how they ought to relate to each other: aa) wife and husband (Col. 3:18, 19); bb) children and parents (Col. 3:20, 21); cc) slaves and masters (Col. 3:22–25, 4:1).

aa) What the Relation of Wife and Husband Ought to Be (Col. 3:18, 19)

Col. 3:18, 19. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.

Wives are commanded to obey; husbands are commanded to love. The aim of this word is to establish lasting peace and order in the family. When husband and wife are in agreement in the family, all is peaceful and everything proceeds in the best manner. But as soon as they become discordant, everything in the family turns upside down. Peace and harmony between husband and wife are disrupted and discord arises chiefly in two ways: on the wife’s side through disobedience shown to her husband, and on the husband’s side through lack of love shown to his wife. The husband does not doubt that his wife is his, devoted to him, and that he possesses her, until he notices some disobedience, inattention, or disrespect from her. The wife does not doubt that her husband is hers, devoted to her, and that she possesses him, until he shows some coldness toward her and lack of love. Whatever the husband commands, she will willingly carry out everything from love for him and from confidence in his love for her; but as soon as some trace of lack of love toward her appears in the husband, her hands fall, and things will no longer proceed as they usually did. To prevent these essential causes of discord between husband and wife, the Apostle urges the wife to obedience above all and the husband to love. A wife, loving her husband and confident in his love, may sometimes forget herself and permit something beyond what is proper in relation to her husband, something that might appear as disobedience; and a husband, conscious of his superiority and his authority, may sometimes conduct himself toward his wife in a way that naturally appears to her as lack of love. The feelings of the wife toward the husband and of the husband toward the wife are very tender. The Apostle warns: take care not to disturb the peace; you—wife—do not forget obedience, and seek rather to act in its spirit; and you—husband—do not forget love and endeavor to hold and manifest it toward your wife. Peace and harmony will never depart from you, and with them comes family well-being.

The Apostle prescribes to wives an obedience such as is fitting for them as Christian women; and such it will be when it is “to the Lord,” that is, either for the Lord, or in His spirit, or according to His commandment. Obey your husbands, wives, so as to do what is pleasing to the Lord, fulfilling His commandment and serving to the glory of His name. Saint Chrysostom says: “Obey—to the Lord: that is, in the words: ‘obey for God,’ for this, he says, adorns you, not them. But I understand this obedience not as slavery, as if to masters, nor as something dependent on nature, but that which is for God’s sake.” A wife naturally feels herself weaker than her husband and from this feeling obeys him. So it is everywhere; in ancient times husbands turned this natural submission into law, and wives were like slaves to them. The Apostle says, as it were: so it was done before, but now you do the same “to the Lord,”—“that is, as the law of the Lord commands” (blessed Theodoret). “Not to please men and not with pretense, but in the fear of the Lord” (Oecumenius). Perhaps for this reason the Apostle added “to the Lord,”—because as it was then for many wives to remain in marital union with unbelievers, the Apostle, so that it would not occur to the wives that they, on account of their superiority over their husbands, which their holy faith gave them, could refuse obedience to them, reminds them: no; you must still obey your husbands, and obey completely as you should, having only changed the spirit of obedience—obey to the Lord (blessed Theodoret).

In prescribing love to husbands, the Apostle did not add “to the Lord,” because this was understood of itself. In Christian marriage nothing should be carnal, but all pure, holy, and sober. But he deemed it necessary to add only: “do not be harsh with them,” μη πικραινεσθε προς αυτας—do not be bitter toward them, do not display your authority and your headship in such a way that it would be bitter for your wife like an unbearable yoke and burden, but let your very commands and orders be given in such a way that they testify to your love and breathe with it. It is not always what is commanded that becomes bitter for the wife, but the tone in which it is pronounced, the expression or gesture that accompanies it. When all this is loving, then love calls forth love and obedience comes with complete willingness and good will—not from external pressure, but from her own inner desire. Then even the weightiest-seeming will of the husband is carried out imperceptibly; but when there is no love, even a light wish of the husband becomes bitter and heavy. Or by this the Apostle means to counsel husbands to be forbearing with their wives when they happen to displease them in something. If a wife always tries to do as her husband wishes, then when the husband notices some oversight or negligence, it would be wiser not to pay attention to it, as if nothing had happened, and if it becomes necessary to remark upon it, to do so in such a way that the wife does not even notice that a remark is being made, but rather that there is a discussion about a better order of affairs in which she also participates and offers her own suggestions. Or did not the holy Paul also have in mind certain natural shortcomings in women, which, when they appear, sometimes irritate husbands in moments of forgetfulness and give them cause to attack their wives on account of them and distress them thereby? If even a deliberate error is worthy of forbearance, how much more worthy is that which does not depend on choice?

Saint Chrysostom draws such instruction from the words of the Apostle: “Thus, to love is the work of husbands, and to yield is the work of wives. Therefore, if each fulfills his duty, all will be firm; for seeing herself loved, a wife becomes friendly, and meeting obedience, a husband becomes gentle. Behold, so also is this arranged in nature, that the husband should love and the wife should be obedient; for when the ruler loves the ruled, everything is well. Love is not as much required from the ruled as from the ruler toward the ruled; for from the ruled obedience is required. And moreover, that beauty is in the woman and desire in the man shows nothing else but the arrangement for love. Therefore, when the wife submits, do not boast; and you, wife, when your husband loves you, do not grow proud: neither should the husband’s love arouse pride in the wife, nor the wife’s submission inflate the husband. God subjected her to you so that she might be more loved; and to love you, woman, He inspired your husband so that it would be easier for you to obey. Do not fear submission; for to submit to one who loves you is not difficult at all. Do not grow cold in love (you—husband); for your wife is compliant before you. Union is otherwise impossible. You have the necessary authority by nature; have also the union by love. This union allows you to endure the weaker one.”

bb) What the Relation of Children and Parents Ought to Be (Col. 3:20, 21)

Col. 3:20, 21. Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, that they might not lose heart.

Children are commanded to obey their parents; parents are commanded not to provoke their children. It is clear that the Apostle does not determine everything here either, as he did before, but removes only that by which good relations between parents and children are most disturbed. Parents naturally care for their children with all their soul, and children are naturally devoted to their parents with all their soul. Resting on these feelings, their mutual relations proceed peacefully and are not disrupted as long as these feelings remain strong. While children are obedient in all things, parents are peaceful toward them and at ease about them; but as soon as disobedience begins to appear, the eyes of the parents no longer look upon the children with love and their hearts are not at peace with them. This will not delay in being reflected in the hearts of the children as well—and discord has begun. Likewise, while parents conduct their children in a spirit of love, the children rest in their love, and whatever they command, whatever they forbid, all this is accepted with warm readiness, from the confidence that the parents’ orders are made solely for their good. While this confidence remains strong, neither reproaches nor measures of correction nor anything else shakes the warm devotion to parents. But as soon as children see that their parents command and forbid only to show their own authority, this immediately produces an unpleasant feeling in them, distresses them, irritates them, even if what is forbidden or commanded does not directly harm their own good. In consequence, the peaceful, heartfelt relation to parents in the children is disrupted, and a wall is raised between them: life under parents becomes hard for the children, and they lose heart. Family peace is gone. The Apostle prevents this by prescribing to children constant obedience and to parents not to provoke their children.

To each of these commandments he attaches special motives. To keep children in complete constant obedience, he puts forward as a motive that this is “well-pleasing to the Lord.” Children are understood to be living in the fear of God and striving above all to please the Lord, as befits children of Christian parents. The Apostle is confident that pleasing the Lord is more precious to them than all natural motives. Obedience based on natural feeling is not as firm as that which is based on the desire to please the Lord. If some contrary feeling arises there, also based on nature (such as irritation from the sense of self-preservation and concern for one’s own well-being), then obedience loses its foundation. But here—whatever may arise, obedience never loses its foundation; for it is based on that which is above nature. Saint Chrysostom says: “See how he wants us to do all things not merely from nature, but, beyond that, according to the will of God, so that we may receive reward from God.” The one who obeys his parents from a desire to please the Lord will not be turned aside from this obedience even by the most unjust conduct of parents toward him: for in obeying, he is not trying to please them, but the Lord. From this it follows of itself that only that which is displeasing to the Lord can compel such a one not to obey, when parents demand something displeasing to God. And blessed Theophylactus writes: “Addressing the children of godly parents (that is, believers in the Lord), the Apostle said: ‘in all things,’ for to ungodly fathers (unbelievers in the Lord) one should not obey in all things; one ought not to listen to them when they begin to forcibly draw you into their impiety.”

In addressing parents, the Apostle “did not say: love your children; for this would be a superfluous word; nature itself draws to this” (Saint Chrysostom). The word of God holds parental love so high that it uses it everywhere to explain God’s love for us. “It does not present [in explanation of this] an example of the love of husband and wife, but what? Listen to what the Prophet says: ‘As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him’ (Ps. 102:13). Look again at what Christ the Lord says: ‘What man is there among you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent?’ (Mt. 7:9, 10)” (Saint Chrysostom). Therefore, when he commands “do not provoke,” he does not assume the absence of love, but removes unwise conduct toward children, conducted in love and even because of that love. He speaks as it were: through your manner of conduct toward the children beware of arousing in them unpleasant feelings toward you, which might distance their hearts from you. Or: through your manner of conduct do not place your children in a position to enter into dispute, quarrel, and even disobedience with you. “Do not make them contentious. There are times when you ought to yield to them” (Saint Chrysostom). “Do not pursue with bitterness all that they do. Some things you must pass over without notice, so as not to make them contradictory” (blessed Theophylactus). And not only this, but “to do what is proper and to their gratification” (blessed Theodoret). Not indulgence does he advise, but wise forbearance that moderates the necessary strictness without removing it.

To incline parents to this manner of conduct, the Apostle puts forward as motive: “that they may not lose heart,” ινα μη αθυμωσιν—so that the children do not fall in spirit, do not go about with drooping head. “What is especially felt by fathers he sets forth; by this he awakens the parental feeling and softens their hearts” (Saint Chrysostom). “Behold what wisdom; how he bends the hearts of parents and how he moves their bowels! For all the care of fathers is that their children do not lose heart” (blessed Theophylactus). The children he protected from disobedience through the fear of God and their zeal to please the Lord; but “to the parents he gives the commandment in a friendly manner, not reminding them of God” (Saint Chrysostom). Why is it so? Because even in seeing that they provoke their children, they might think they are not acting against God’s will. But in seeing that the children lose heart and go about with drooping head, parents cannot help but be moved by parental feeling to examine the matter more carefully and, considering their manner of conduct, to adjust it so that the children cease to lose heart.

cc) What the Relation of Servants and Masters Ought to Be (Col. 3:22–25, 4:1)

How slaves ought to conduct themselves and how they ought to act—on this Saint Paul speaks more than about the proper conduct of other members of the family. This is because their condition was more difficult and dark than all the others; therefore it needed to be illuminated by Christian views on their work and they needed to be strengthened with comforting promises.

Col. 3:22. Servants, obey in all things your earthly masters, not serving only when being watched like men-pleasers, but in singleness of heart, fearing God.

Slaves at that time were purchased and existed under the complete power of their masters, possessing no rights. They were managed like things. Beaten down, they bore their yoke in silence, never imagining a brighter state. But Christianity opened their eyes and gave them not only to know but to feel something better. From this their condition could become more unbearable, especially when the masters remained in pagan impiety and were not partakers either of that bright and all-illuminating faith, or of those sanctifying workings of grace, or of those promises of which the slaves became partakers. It was natural for them to come to the question whether this spiritual superiority of theirs before their masters did not free them—or if the masters were believers too, whether equality with them did not free them from their power and obedience to them. The Apostle writes to them: No; “obey.” You have received something better in spirit; yet your body remains under the power of the masters. And “obey your earthly masters.” And he not only does not lighten but seemingly burdens the yoke of slavery by saying: “not only when their eye is on you.”

Pagan slaves, if diligent under their masters’ eyes, did not consider it a sin to act otherwise when unseen and not even to their masters’ advantage. The Apostle says: such as you are before their eyes, be such also when not seen. For so act the men-pleasers. And concerning men-pleasers “listen to what the Prophet says: ‘God has scattered the bones of the men-pleasers’ (Ps. 52:6). Therefore, if you work only before their eyes, you act to your own harm” (Saint Chrysostom, blessed Theophylactus). Work “with sincere heart,”—holding in your heart that you are slaves, work for your masters not with a divided mind and not with a divided heart, everywhere and in all things preserving their benefit. “For to have one thing in your heart and another in your deed, to appear one way in the presence of the master and another way in his absence, is not sincerity but pretense” (Saint Chrysostom). Therefore slavery is heavy, because the heart is not invested in the work. These deeds under such a disposition are as something foreign, a yoke lying upon you from without. But if you invest your heart in them, then they will be your deeds, issuing from your own heart. To guard your heart from all wavering and deviation from such an arrangement, take on the fear of God; work, “fearing the Lord.” “Make it so that the work obligatory for you by law proceeds in you according to the fear of God. Then, let your master not see you, you will still do what is due and what pertains to his honor and benefit, for the sake of the sleepless eye of God” (Saint Chrysostom). This sleepless eye, which you are aware of, will be a guardian of your heartfelt faithfulness to the duty of slavery and will illumine your work with a certain light coming from above and will sanctify it by dedicating it to God; so that your work will cease to be work for men but will truly become work for God. You yourself will be aware of it as such and will labor in it as, having the fear of God, you labor to please God. This follows of itself from: “fearing the Lord.” But the Apostle deemed it necessary to overshadow the slave’s work with this Divine illumination by a special word, saying:

Col. 3:23. And whatever you do, do it from the soul as to the Lord and not to men.

What could especially trouble Christian slaves was this: they have given themselves over to serve the Lord, yet here is unavoidable work for men, and again—they have transferred all their aims with the Lord from the temporal to the eternal, yet here their work is turned toward the temporal, the passing, and the perishable. The Apostle removes these two naturally possible disturbing thoughts: the first in the present verse and the second in the following. In working for your masters, do not think that you are working for men but for the Lord, and this—whatever your work may touch upon. Therefore, whatever you happen to do, do it with all your heart as for the Lord, to whom your whole life is dedicated. The Apostle does not explain how to come to the conviction that even the performance of, for example, such a command as: go fetch this, bring that—is doing for the Lord; but he prescribes the law: do as for the Lord. It is understood not only that what you then do will be received as such by the Lord, but that it is such in its very essence. To conviction in both respects one can come: in the first—through this, that the worth, power, and significance of such works are determined by the soul and sense in which they are performed, and in the second—by raising the mind to God’s providential determinations of each person’s lot, by which all that is essential in that lot is sealed by God’s will, so that faithfulness to it is faithfulness to God and service in it is service to Him. But the Apostle does not enter into these explanations, but writes a law: do all things with all your heart, as for the Lord, and not for men. And you will faithfully fulfill the vow given by you at baptism: to be wholly devoted to the Lord and to seek to please Him alone.

One might think that the force of the Apostle’s thought lies in “heartily,”—not in “as for the Lord.” But in the spirit of the Christian these two aspects of the deed are inseparable. He cannot act heartily except by acting for the Lord; for his heart is devoted to Him. However, it is also probable that the Apostle wished to guide them to how they, remaining slaves in slave work, could be free—acting freely. In such a case the force of the thought will be in “heartily,”—and “as for the Lord” will be its foundation and support. Working heartily, you will work not as slaves, by necessity and compulsion, but as free men by your own will. Saint Chrysostom says: “Through this the Apostle makes them, instead of slaves, free. For ‘heartily’ means with good will, not with slavish necessity, but with freedom and voluntary choice.”

Col. 3:24. Knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance, for you serve the Lord Christ.

In general, purchased slaves are naturally troubled and every spark of energy is cut down by the thought: what should I exhaust myself with work for; everything goes to them, nothing to me. But in the Christian, not this selfish but rather the truly Christian, self-emptied, thought could bring trouble: I ought to seek the things above, to mind the things of heaven; yet here I am made to work for vanity and corruption. The Apostle comforts him: do not be troubled; in working, as you say, for vanity and corruption, you lose nothing in the heavenly and incorruptible; on the contrary, you gain that very thing. Only do not depart from that disposition of heart: working for masters, work for the Lord. If you work thus for the Lord, from the Lord you shall receive a reward—that very thing above and heavenly which you consider yourself obliged to seek. And this is more certain than any other rewards you might expect from the course of earthly things, without even mentioning that this is lofty and incomparable to anything earthly. For the Lord is true in His words and promises. Thus your slave work will not distance you from your higher spiritual aims, but on the contrary, will be the direct path to them. For you serve the Lord Christ. And He said: “where I am, there shall my servant be also” (Jn. 12:26).

“Knowing”—being convinced. On what does such conviction rest? On this—that you serve the Lord Christ. Why it was wrongly translated: “Serve Christ the Lord”? This was already said. What was previously said in the word: “as for the Lord”—is now laid as the foundation for the certainty of hope that you shall receive a reward. The words: “you shall receive the reward of the inheritance,” κληρονομιας—the heritage—went directly to the wound of bitter slavery. They work and work; yet neither they nor their family nor their offspring receive anything. The Apostle says to them: if you work as I command you, “as for the Lord,” then the Lord will give you an inheritance of higher blessings than those your masters could make you heirs of. With the Lord you are already heirs; already part of your inheritance is set aside for you and credited to your account: for you serve the Lord, and He does not leave His servants empty. Blessed Theophylactus writes: “Masters do not often make slaves heirs, even if they serve them exceedingly well. But the Lord will surely give you in reward an inheritance in the heavens, if you keep a good disposition toward your masters.”

But it is well to keep a good disposition toward masters when they are just; but if they are unjust, how then to remain within the bounds of wholehearted service to them? Do not be troubled by this injustice, says the Apostle further. There is a Judge who in His time will render to all what is due. With Him there is no partiality; He will not spare masters, however great they may be.

Col. 3:25. And he who does injustice will receive what he unjustly did, and there is no partiality.

“The Apostle has offered sufficient comfort to the slaves by making it known that they serve not men but the Lord. Since, however, masters are sometimes unjust men, the Apostle necessarily added: ‘but he who does wrong shall receive for his wrong’ and so on. If the masters, he says, do not repay you for your service with goodness; yet there is a righteous Judge who does not distinguish between slave and master, but pronounces a just judgment” (blessed Theodoret). This is general comfort for all who suffer injustice. There is an Eye that sees the wrong side, which will be repaid in its time according to the measure of its wrong. But the aim of our life is not earthly well-being but eternal blessedness, in the attainment of which a not small part is played by patience in suffering slander and injustice. Therefore, do not look at men’s wrongs; do your work, trying to please the Lord in all things and bearing all things patiently. Such instruction is entirely in accord with the course of the Apostle’s speech and must have been great comfort to the slaves, whose lot was at that time very bitter and their lack of rights was on all sides.

But the words of the Apostle can also be understood differently: that in them is given not comfort to slaves in the event of injustice from masters, but a threat to slaves in the event of wrongful conduct by them toward their masters. The Apostle said earlier that you shall receive the reward of inheritance if you diligently work for your masters as for the Lord. Now he takes up the same from the opposite: but if you work poorly for your masters, violate their rights over you and commit wrong in relation to them, then you shall be repaid according to your wrong. The Lord will not consider that you are faithful while they are unfaithful, or that you are the weaker party and they the stronger. But He will repay all justly: for there is no partiality with Him. Thus all our other interpreters do, except blessed Theodoret. However, having set forth such a thought, they at the end add a supplement that these words are equally instructive for masters. We present for all the words of blessed Theophylactus: “A slave who acts wrongly toward his master, either by working negligently or by diminishing and stealing his master’s goods, will receive from God the due reward for it. For God shows no partiality, to have mercy on a slave as the weaker party, when even in the Law He commanded not to favor the poor in judgment” (Lev. 19:15). Or thus: a Christian slave who wrongs a Greek master should not think he will escape judgment. For Christ shows no partiality to leave his sin against a Greek master unpunished simply because he is a Christian. Yet though, as it seems, the Apostle speaks to the slaves: God shows no partiality; the masters ought to take these words as very fitting for themselves.

Col. 4:1. Masters, give to your servants what is just and equal, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.

The Apostle determines the manner of conduct of masters toward slaves with the words: “supply what is just and fair.” “Fair” does not mean that masters should come down to the level of slaves or raise them to their own level; nor does it mean to treat all slaves the same; but it obligates masters to conduct themselves toward their slaves at a level corresponding with their condition as slaves and with their work and labor. This word is equivalent to justice. “By ‘fair’” writes blessed Theodoret, “the Apostle did not call equal honor, but the necessary care with which servants ought to be provided by masters.” “What is justice? What is fairness?” asks Saint Chrysostom and answers: it is one and the same thing: “to provide slaves with all they need in sufficient quantity and not to allow them to come to others with their needs, but to compensate them for their labor. You should not, because I said they receive their reward from God, think that you are permitted to deprive them of what should be given to them from you” (likewise blessed Theophylactus).

To encourage masters to such conduct, the Apostle points out that they also have a Master in heaven—it is understood—and a righteous rewarder. Masters allow themselves wrongs toward slaves chiefly because of the false feeling of their complete independence: who has authority over me? and they act without accountability. The Apostle cuts short their boldness, assuring them that they are not independent; they too have a Master, before whom they are answerable and who will require an account from them for their deeds (as they require it from their servants for their deeds), including their relation to slaves. Thus you are equal with slaves in accountability and dependence. “And you, he says, that is, you as well. Here the Apostle makes slavery common to all” (Saint Chrysostom). “Therefore you ought to treat them as fellow servants. As they have you, so also you have a Master. Thus, ‘in whatever measure you measure, it will be measured back to you’ (Mt. 7:2)” (blessed Theophylactus).