The Penitent Approaches the Mystery of Holy Communion

In the parable of the prodigal son, when the father received the returning son with repentance, after falling upon his neck and kissing him as a sign of complete forgiveness, he commanded that he be clothed and prepared a bright and joyful feast. The father’s heart found sufficiency not in forgiveness alone; he chose instead to assure his son more decisively of his reconciliation with him, and to express even more powerfully the joy of their reunion after so sorrowful a separation. Paternal love gives what filial hope had not even dared to expect. What sinner could have hoped for anything greater after receiving complete forgiveness? And yet, lo, he is invited to the Lord’s supper, where the Lord Himself gives him His Flesh to eat and His Blood to drink. This is the crown of generosity toward the repenting sinner—and yet not an excess, but the essential necessity for reunion with the Lord.

Christian life is life in the Lord Jesus Christ. The believer is clothed in Christ and lives by Him. The one who fell after baptism loses this grace; rising from the fall and returning to the Lord, he must again become worthy of it—and he becomes worthy in holy communion. “He who eats My Flesh and drinks My Blood abides in Me, and I in him”, the Lord says (Jn. 6:56). Here in the penitent begins the life of Christ Jesus. The Lord said that He is the vine and those who believe in Him are the branches (see: Jn. 15:5). A branch does not live unless it is on the vine; so also believers do not live unless they are in the Lord. Nowhere is there true life except in this vine. What is not on it is dead. Therefore, whoever wishes to live truly must be grafted onto it, must receive from it the vital sap and live by nourishing themselves with it. This grafting is accomplished in holy communion: here the Christian becomes one with the Lord. When the Lord was only guiding a sinner to complete repentance, He merely knocked at the door of his heart; but when the door is opened through contrition and repentance, He enters within and shares a meal with the communicant.

Now the human is born anew. A life of an entirely new kind begins. Life cannot continue without food, and especially food suited to it. And this very kind of food is the Body and Blood of the Lord. He Himself said: “My Flesh is truly food, and My Blood is truly drink” (Jn. 6:55). With these the one who has begun this new life must nourish that life. All the more is it necessary to taste this food in the early stages, at the first, so to speak, stirrings of one’s new life. They say that the first food has an influence on the character of bodily life and afterwards becomes a constant need of the body. What ought to be the character of the life of one who has repented? Life in Christ Jesus, our Lord. What should become his constant need? The need for communion with the Lord. Let him therefore hasten in the first stirrings of this life to taste the Body and Blood of Christ, so as to lay, as it were, the foundation of a life conformed to Christ, and to awaken the living need of constant communion with Him through this tasting. The one who tastes, having felt the sweetness of this heavenly manna, can no longer afterwards fail to hunger and thirst for more and more of this tasting.

Therefore, having received mercy and complete forgiveness in repentance, come to holy communion for the fullness of the revival of your inner person.

There is no need to prescribe special rules for preparation for this. The one who has repented already possesses all that is necessary for it, and he naturally proceeds to communion. The one who has wept over his sins and confessed is ready to approach this great Mystery. And the Apostle prescribes nothing more; he says only: “Let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of the bread and drink of the cup” (1 Cor. 11:28). One can say: keep what you have, or do not lose what you have—and that is enough.

According to our custom, after confession and until communion, not much time passes: usually only the evening, the morning, and the Liturgy. During these moments you must take care to preserve the spiritual disposition brought from the church after confession, and to direct it toward communion with the Lord in holy communion.

Keep your attention undistracted and your heart peaceful. Guard against distraction and troubled cares, and withdrawing from everything, enter into yourself and remain alone with a single thought about the Lord who is about to come to you. Put aside every wandering thought, and contemplating the Lord alone, pray to Him with an undistracted heartfelt prayer.

If your thought cannot remain fixed in this oneness, give it something to occupy itself with—meditation on communion itself. And so that it does not wander too much, bind it with the words of the Lord and the holy Apostles about this Mystery.

Pondering any saying of the Lord or the holy Apostles, draw edification from them and dispose yourself to contrite prayer. When prayer comes, fall before the Lord and do not cease from prayer while prayer remains.

Spend the evening in these occupations until sleep closes your eyes. Morning will come. As soon as you awaken and come to yourself, first restore in your awareness the greatness of the day that has dawned for you. But do not hurry or distract yourself with many things; keep your attention only on what is about to be and what will happen in you. Be watchful! The enemy will attempt to tempt you in every way, trying to put your soul into a bad state, either scattering your thoughts or stirring up some care, or resentment at something, or displeasure with someone. Attend to yourself, praying to the Lord, and you will avoid these stumbling blocks.

When you enter the church, feel as if you were in the Upper Room on Zion, where the Lord gave communion to the holy Apostles, and attend more than ever to what is sung and read, directing everything toward this understanding: that the Lord Himself is preparing a saving feast for you.

At this point kindle faith in the true presence of the very Lord and Savior in the Holy Mysteries. Proceeding from this faith and contemplating the very Lord, now as if coming to you, with self-abasement cry out: “I am not worthy that You should enter under my roof” (Mt. 8:8). From self-abasement pass to filial fear, not a fear that drives away but one that brings reverent sobriety. Since the Lord Himself both invites and commands you to approach, be ready to approach with confidence, with desire and longing, like “the deer [for] the watersprings” (Ps. 41:2), and expecting with certainty to receive the very Lord, and with Him all the treasures of life hidden in Him. From this expectation, which will not disappoint, turning again to yourself and ready to receive the Lord, kindle more intensely the contrition of your heart, and repeat the promise to turn from sin, even if you should have to die for it.

Strive to stand through the whole Liturgy, passing from one of these feelings to another, and in this spiritual disposition at last approach the Cup of the Lord; beholding it, render worship to the Lord coming to you, and, opening mouth and heart, receive Him, humbly and reverently crying out with the Apostle Thomas: “My Lord and my God!” (Jn. 20:28).

Glory to You, God! Glory to You, God! Glory to You, God!

Approaching the Cup of the Lord with such a disposition and departing from it, you will feel in your heart: “Truly the word… those receiving the Divine Graces of the sacrament, I am not alone, but with You, my Christ, by the threefold Light that illuminates the world”. From now on you begin to carry Christ within yourself. Take care diligently to give Him peace in every way and to keep Him within you. If Christ is in you, who can be against you?.. And you can do all things through the Lord who strengthens you.

With this, the formation of spiritual life in the Christian person is completed—the one who, after falling into sin, is turning again to pleasing God.

Behold the entire order of conversion! It is presented here in the form of a long narrative so that you might see more clearly all the turns which the one turning should desire, in the interaction of freedom and grace. All that has been said takes place in every person who is converting, but how and to what extent—this depends on individuals and circumstances of each person. For some, the entire conversion is accomplished in a few minutes, and yet they are stirred, they repent and rise to determination. Spiritual phenomena are instantaneous. Nevertheless, such examples of conversion are very rare; most often the entire conversion is accomplished not suddenly, but gradually. The very inner changes, though instantaneous, are not always reached suddenly, but sometimes after quite prolonged labor on oneself. For some, therefore, complete conversion may last for years. The main points where delay occurs are those where self-love must suffer—in overcoming, for example, obstacles or temptations to sin, in confession and so forth. The final state which must be reached is complete detachment from everything and self-surrender to the Lord. From this moment true Christian life truly begins, because then the human reaches their goal—hidden in God. Everything depends on the zeal with which someone sets about themselves, and on the conviction that what must be done must be done—whether now or later, it must be done: better sooner—and they begin to work, and quickly it is established. And to become established is the main work of conversion.