Standing in Feelings That Lead to Resolve

But all this is only preparation, condition, and means to kindle zeal. The restoration of the most decisive zealousness and strong earnestness is accomplished through the reproduction of those feelings and thoughts through which, following awakening from sinful slumber, one ascended to it.

Upon awakening you saw yourself in extreme danger, perishing, in great distress and sorrow; now rouse again this same feeling of danger and extremity, for they are truly present. Be in fear and do not allow yourself to think or comfort yourself that all has passed by.

Then you, breaking free from all, spat on and despised everything, choosing other goods—bodiless, invisible, spiritual: now too break free, spit upon all, and incline toward the invisible, spiritual; behold it and strive to love it.

You broke free then from people-pleasing: now too count yourself lower than all; hold yourself ready for contempt and reproach of every kind.

You deemed all as nothing then: now too prize nothing; carry readiness, having cast all away, to remain naked.

Self-pity was trampled by you then: rise now to readiness for the harshest crosses and continue your self-mortification.

Then you examined your life: continue now to grow in self-knowledge; study the Gospel commandments and see what is lacking in you; there the seed was planted—now make it grow.

Then, knowing your sinful life, you saw yourself without defense and grieved: do not cease now to stand without defense before the face of Divine righteousness; always condemn yourself in all things without any excuse or cunning flattery, hate your own will, desire, and understanding; smite yourself with shame and fear of hopelessness; see yourself hanging over an abyss and unworthy of mercy. Then you arose spiritually, and in faith in the Lord and trusting in His help, you made a vow to serve Him earnestly all the days of your life, even to tormenting yourself without mercy; and now call out: “I am worthy of every condemnation and torment, but, for the sake of God’s boundless desire for our salvation, for which His only Son was not spared, I do not despair of my salvation. I do not know when or how, but I believe that I will be saved. Only, O Lord, grant me to strive all the days of my life, seeking salvation from You—in the hope that You will not abandon me through Your mercy and the intercession of Your saints. By the judgments which You know, save me!”

Behold these feelings! All of them are rightly called spiritual liveliness. And indeed, when they exist, it means spiritual life is in action; and when one needs to kindle a weakened life, one must stand in one of these feelings. The holy fathers all speak of them, sometimes all together, sometimes in parts. And this is a common counsel and commandment—one must necessarily stand in some feeling. Whoever has left them, does not seek them, does not grieve their absence—that person is cold, and therefore is in danger of freezing and perhaps remaining so forever—in death.

Therefore, having entered inward, establish yourself in the vision of the spiritual world and begin to kindle the activity of your spiritual life, or transition first to pondering so as later to have these states in feeling as well—all this is the blessed arrangement of intellect and heart. The essential and unavoidable preparation for this is inner dwelling and vision of the spiritual world. The first introduces, the second establishes a person in a certain spiritual atmosphere, favorable to the burning of life. Therefore one can say that if you just practice these two preparatory works, the last will proceed of itself. People often complain: My heart has hardened… This is no wonder. It is not gathered inward, not accustomed to it, not established where it should be, does not know the place of the heart—how can it function properly? This is the same as displacing the heart and demanding life. Whoever awakens faith that sees the spiritual world and himself in it will not fail to come into an anxious state and to soften, and when that exists, afterward it is not so difficult to impress other feelings.

To aid in this, just as in the vision of the spiritual world, one takes passages of Scripture that briefly and powerfully express one or another state, for example: “Spare Your creation, Master; ‘my wounds grew foul and festered’” (Ps. 37:6); “if He did ‘not spare His own Son’” (Rom. 8:32); “By the judgments which You know, save me…” and so forth—and act with them, often repeating the same until the impression is made.

Not every feeling is always easy to access, but sometimes one, sometimes another; and one should make use of such predispositions for more swiftly acquiring these feelings. It is readily opened in the morning time, or one should so act that it opens at that time, so that afterward the whole day is spent in it. Lay bare your heart and accomplish prayer, and whatever stirs in the heart, remain with it with attention. Clothe this feeling with Scripture and repeat it. Acting thus, you will be always in feeling and will quickly accustom yourself to spiritual practice. Remember, however, that it is not always beneficial to await predisposition: sometimes one must act though nothing is in the soul, and sometimes when there is one feeling, one must displace it with others, for, judging by the state of spirit, sometimes one should lean toward one feeling, sometimes more toward another. Self-evidently, the happiest state of spirit would be if someone could go through all of them at once. This perfection of spiritual liveliness should be set as a goal and sought. To that end, each time one stands for prayer, after gathering inward and entering the spiritual world, begin to reproduce them in order, one after another, at first even in thoughts, until the Lord grants them in feelings. It is good for this to choose some prayer in which they all are present, memorize it, and read it often with attention. There are many prayers in the Psalter, and everyone can find one suited to them, for not one prayer fits all. They are briefly contained in the twelve daily and twelve nightly petitions of the holy Chrysostom. But it is indubitable that there is no more reliable means to impressing them than remaining in church at the divine service.

How these feelings promote the burning of zealous spirit is self-evident: let there be even one, and it already kindles, for each of them enters into its state and has its share in it. The spirit of zeal is simple and singular, but all-encompassing. The initial feeling should always be the fear of God, and the concluding one—self-humbled surrender of oneself to the Divine will, which is good and saves us. The first flows from the vision of the spiritual world, the latter is born from all the following ones through faith. However, which feelings proceed from which and how cannot be determined—for everyone it happens in their own way. That is why the holy fathers give different indications on this, or different explanations. For the most part they are set forth in fragmented instructions: have the fear of God, count all as nothing, do not love the world, hold yourself below all and condemn yourself in all, see your sins, turn to God alone. The sum of all is in a sorrowful, with fear of God, a falling down before God with the words: “Lord, by the judgments which You know, save me, for I will labor according to my strength.” Here is all of it. Whoever accustoms himself to placing himself in spirit in such a feeling has a ready and safe haven.

Being in some feeling is of great significance in spiritual life. In one who has it, that person is already inward in the heart, for our attention is always in the active part, and if this is the heart, then it is in the heart. Whoever is inward has the spiritual world opened to him. From this it is clear that just as inner dwelling, with the vision of another world, is the condition for kindling spiritual feelings, so conversely, the latter presuppose the former and by their arising call them forth. Through the reciprocal action of both, spiritual life is knit together. Whoever is in feeling has his spirit bound and attached, while one without it floats. Therefore, to abide inward more successfully, press toward feeling, though again through tensioned self-penetration. That is why whoever wishes to remain with only mental gathering labors in vain: in a moment, everything scatters. No wonder then that scholars, with all their learning, are always daydreaming: it is because they work only with the head.

There is no need to describe in particular the rules and properties of each feeling—this should be the object of particular teachings, contemplations, and readings. With the holy fathers they are for the most part set forth in fragments, in the form of sayings. What they sought above all and what they advised was to understand the spiritual structure and to know how to hold it. Whoever achieves this has one rule remaining: be inward, have secret instruction in the heart. By secret instruction they understood the vision of some subject from the spiritual world or the stirring of spiritual feeling by means of some word of Sacred Scripture, or a word of the fathers, or a prayer. So with them: dwell in the memory of God, in the memory of death, in the memory of sins, in self-accusation—that is, be aware of this subject and speak of it within unceasingly, for example: “Where can I go?” (Ps. 138:7) or: “I am a worm, not a man” (Ps. 21:7). This and the like, done in attention and feeling, is secret instruction.

From this it follows that briefly all the means or methods for kindling and sustaining the spirit of zeal can be summed up thus: following your awakening, enter into yourself, take your place in your heart, go through all spiritual liveliness, and, stopping at something, remain in it unmoving. Or even more briefly: gather yourself and practice secret instruction in your heart.

By this means, with the aid of the Lord’s grace, the spirit of zeal, in its true structure, will be sustained and will now kindle, now blaze. And this is the inner way. Know that this is the most direct path to blessed salvation. One can leave all else and occupy oneself only with this practice—and all will go successfully. On the other hand, even if we do all things, without attention to this we will see no fruit.

One who does not turn inward and to this spiritual practice merely drags things out. It is true, this practice is extraordinarily difficult, especially at the beginning, but it is direct and fruitful. Therefore, a priest guiding must introduce his spiritual children to this practice as soon as possible and establish them in it. One can even introduce them into it before all external things, but in all ways together with them—and not only can this be done but it must be. This is because the seed of this practice was planted in conversion, in which it all transpires. One need only explain it, clarify how important it is, and guide. Then all the external will proceed willingly, hastily, and maturely. On the other hand, without this one external thing, like rotted thread, will constantly break. Take note of this rule: it must not be all at once but gradually; it should have great limitations, for it can lead not to this inner practice, in which the essence of the matter lies, but to external rules. Therefore, despite the fact that there are people who ascend from without inward, the unchanging rule must remain—to enter inward more quickly and here kindle the spirit of zeal.

It seems like a simple thing; but without knowing about it, one can toil for a long time—and all bears little fruit. And this is due to the nature of bodily practice. It is easier, and so it attracts; inner practice is difficult, and so it repels. But whoever cleaves to the first, treating it as material, gradually becomes materialized in spirit as well, grows cold, becomes more rigid, and consequently moves further and further away from the inner. And it happens that at first someone sets inner practice aside as if until a time of ripening—“the time will come,” he thinks—but afterward, looking back, he finds that the time has passed and, instead of preparation, he has become entirely incapable of it. Again, the external should not be abandoned: it is the foundation of the inner, and both should proceed together. It is only clear that priority lies with the first, for one must serve God in spirit and bow to Him in spirit and in truth. Both should be in mutual subordination according to their respective dignity, without violence to each other and without forced separation.