Lessons on Upbringing From Our Holy Father John Chrysostom

To bear children is an act of nature, but to form and educate them in virtue is the work of wisdom and will.

By the duty to educate one’s children, I do not mean only providing so they do not starve—a responsibility that many seem to limit themselves to with respect to their children. This requires neither books nor laws: nature speaks loudly enough about this. I speak of the care to form the hearts of children in virtue and piety—a sacred duty that cannot be transgressed without guilt of a kind of child murder.

This obligation is common to both fathers and mothers alike. There are fathers who spare nothing to provide their children with teachers in pleasures and indulge their whims as if they were wealthy heirs, but whether their children become Christians, whether they exercise themselves in piety—this troubles them little. Criminal blindness! To this very gross negligence must be attributed all the disorders from which society groans. Suppose you have acquired great wealth for them, but if they do not know how to conduct themselves prudently, it will not remain with them long. The wealth will be squandered; it will perish with its owners; it will be the saddest inheritance for them.

Your children will always be sufficiently wealthy if they receive from you a good upbringing, capable of ordering their morals and establishing their conduct well. Therefore, be concerned not with making them rich, but with making them pious, masters of their passions, rich in virtues. Accustom them not to invent imaginary needs and to value the goods of this world at what they are worth. Observe their actions, their associations, their connections attentively—and do not expect any mercy from God if you do not fulfill this duty.

If the Apostle commands us to care more for others than for ourselves, and if we are guilty when we do not attend to their benefit, then is it not far more so when it concerns those who are so near to us? Will not the Lord say, “Did I not give these children a place in your family? Did I not entrust them to your care, making you their masters, guardians, judges? I gave you full authority over them; I placed upon you all the cares of their upbringing. You will tell me they did not wish to bend their neck under the yoke, that they cast it off. But this is precisely what you should have prevented from the very beginning; you should have seized their first impressions, placed a bridle when they had not yet the strength to break it; bent this young soul under the yoke of duty, accustomed it to it by forming it according to it, bound the wound when it was only beginning to form; uprooted the thorn when it was only beginning to appear around this tender plant—not waited until it struck deep roots, until the passions, growing stronger with gradual development, became unbridled and ungovernable.”

The Wise Man says, “If you have children, discipline them and bend their neck from youth” (Sir. 7:25). But the Lord not only impresses this commandment upon us through His prophet, but also takes our side, ensuring its fulfillment by threatening terrible punishment to children disobedient to their parents: “Whoever speaks evil of father or mother shall surely die” (Lev. 20:9). He punishes with death those who become guilty against you, yet you look on coldly at the transgressions they commit against the very highest authority. They rise up against God Himself by breaking His commandments, yet you look on without indignation, without the least rebuke to the children. What does He lose from their insults? Nothing. But you—what should you not fear for yourselves? Because whoever abandons the Lord will cease to respect neither his father nor himself.

Children obedient and faithful to God, in their obedience to His law, would find an abundant source of happiness, even temporal happiness. The poor man with Christian morals compels respect and love, whereas with an evil and corrupt heart all your wealth will not save you from the disapprobation and aversion of all around you.

A youth whom you give a good upbringing not only acquires universal respect—how much more he becomes dearer to you! Your attachment to him will not be merely a natural inclination; it will be the fruit of his virtue. In return, in your old age you will receive from him all the services of filial love; he will be your support. For as those who do not honor the Lord despise their parents, so conversely, those who honor God, the Father of all men, will always respect in every way those from whom they received life.

Suppose you fulfill the commandments of the law in all other respects, but being unfaithful to this one commandment, you will be severely punished. Listen to a proof taken from the history of an ancient people. You will then see what terrible punishment those parents bring upon themselves who neglect the education of their children. Among the Jews there was a priest honored for the gentleness of his character; he was called Eli. This priest had two sons who gave themselves over to all vices. The father did not concern himself with this and scarcely paid attention to it; or if their depravity, reaching the highest degree, compelled him to rebuke them, he did so without the proper zeal and authority. He should have strictly punished them, driven them from his sight, employed severe measures to put an end to their disorder. Nothing of the sort happened; he contented himself with saying to them by way of exhortation, “No, my sons, this is not good report which I hear” (1 Sam. 2:24). Was this what should have been said? They were offending God, and he called them his children? They were forgetting the One to whom they owed their existence, yet he still acknowledged them as his family? In vain and uselessly did he make exhortations to them. No, here were required not exhortations, but strong lessons, strict chastisement, medicine as powerful as the disease. He should have acted with fear and torn this young heart from its torpor. Exhortations! Eli’s children had no lack of these. Useless words! Criminal gentleness of which they became victims! War begins, the wretches become plunder of the enemy; the father, learning of their misfortune, falls to the ground and, breaking his head, dies.

I have just told you that fathers who do not care to give Christian education to their children are child-murderers, murderers of their own children. Is it not so? Who should Eli blame for the death of his children? Only himself. True, the sword of the enemy killed them, but the negligence of the false father directed its stroke; abandoned by heavenly help, they appeared naked against the arrows of the Philistines. The father destroyed both himself and them. Meanwhile, we see the very same thing daily before us. How many parents there are who do not wish to take the trouble to correct their disobedient and corrupt children! They seem to fear that they will grieve the children if they restrain their vicious inclinations with a stern word. What happens then? Disorder increases; impunity leads to crimes against the state; courts awake; the wretches die at the place of execution. By not correcting them you become their accomplices. You have renounced your personal authority over them and subjected them to the severity of public punishment; and thus human justice has exercised its strict prerogatives over them. You fear to humble them with light punishment in your presence, but what terrible dishonor falls upon you when your son is no more and the father, pursued everywhere by the eyes of accusers, does not dare to show himself anywhere!

Therefore I beseech you, care for the good upbringing of your children. Above all, think of the salvation of their souls. God has set you as heads and teachers of your entire family; your duty is to observe, and to observe constantly, the conduct of your wife and your children. Listen to holy Paul. If your wives, he says, wish to learn anything, let them ask their husbands. “Raise your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (1 Cor. 14:35; Eph. 6:4). Imitate Job, who constantly watched over his children and offered propitiatory sacrifices for the secret transgressions they might have committed (see: Job 1:5). Imitate Abraham, who cared less for acquiring wealth than for preserving God’s law in all his household, and of whom the Lord testified: “I have known him, because he will command his children…and they will keep the way of the Lord to do justice and judgment” (Gen. 18:19). David, drawing near to death, wishes to leave Solomon the most lasting inheritance; he calls him to him to repeat these wise instructions: “If your children keep their ways, to walk before me in truth with all their heart and all their soul, you will not lack a man on the throne of Israel” (1 King 2:4). These are the models we must imitate both during life and at our last breath!

If good fathers were to strive to give their children good upbringing, there would be need neither for laws, nor courts, nor judges, nor punishments. Executioners exist because there is no morality.

We spare no effort or expense to teach our children secular sciences, to teach them to serve earthly authorities well. It is all the same to us—the knowledge of holy faith, service to the Heavenly King. We allow them to attend spectacles, but whether they do not flee the church, whether they do not stand in it irreverently—we care little about that. We make them give an account of what they learned in their secular schools; why, then, do we not require an account from them of what they heard in the House of the Lord?

Having exhorted the children as was necessary, the Apostle turns also to the fathers, saying: “Fathers, do not provoke your children, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). Do you wish your son to be obedient? From childhood raise him in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Do not think that listening to the Divine Scriptures is superfluous for him. There he will hear first of all: “Honor your father and mother” (Mk. 7:10)—words directed to your benefit. Do not say, “This listening to Scripture is the business of monks; must I make him a monk?” There is no need for him to be a monk. Make him a Christian. For laypeople too have great need to heed the teaching contained in Scripture, and especially children, since at this age they still know much. But, not knowing divine truths, they know something from pagan writings, studying in them the lives of marvelous heroes, by their understanding, who served their passions and feared death. What example is Achilles, inconsolable and dying for his concubine, or another, given to drunkenness, and so on and so on! Therefore your son needs this saving guidance—in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Is it not foolish to teach children arts, to send them to school, to spare nothing for such education, and to neglect raising them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord? That is precisely why we ourselves reap the fruits of such upbringing of our children, seeing them bold, intemperate, disobedient, corrupt! Let us not act thus and listen to the exhortation of blessed Paul; let us raise our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, set before them an example of piety, make them exercise themselves from early childhood in reading Sacred Scripture. Ah! I speak of this constantly; but I fear I speak these words in vain. Yet for all that I will not cease to speak about this; it is my duty.

Why, you ask me, do we not imitate the ancients? Especially you, women, should rival the remarkable ancient women. If a child is born to you, imitate Anne, the mother of Samuel. Listen to how she acted: she did not delay in presenting her child to the temple of God. Who among you would not wish to have her son be Samuel once and for all, rather than a king of the whole universe a thousand times? You will say: how can this be? Why should it be impossible? You need only wish it and entrust him to the One Who can make him such. Who, you ask, can do this? God. Therefore she (Anne) entrusted her son to Him. Eli himself was not very capable of developing and educating him; and how could he do so when he was not equal to managing his own children? But the woman’s faith and zeal accomplished everything. Having borne her firstborn, one child, and not yet knowing whether she would have other children, she did not say, “I will wait until the child grows; let him enjoy life; I will let him spend his childhood years with me.” Not thinking of this at all, she thought only of how to consecrate him to God as quickly as possible. Let us men be ashamed of such wisdom in the woman; she presented her son to the temple of God and left him there. This glorified her marriage as well, because, having brought the first fruit of this union as a gift to God, she thereby showed that in this union she sought not sensual pleasures but the pleasing of God; therefore her womb became fruitful, and she, once barren, later had other children; and for this, certainly, she saw what glory and honor her son enjoyed from men.

Everything for us must be secondary in comparison with care for children and raising them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Whoever first learns to be wise gains through this wealth surpassing all wealth and the greatest glory. It is not so beneficial to educate your son by teaching him sciences and external knowledge by which he will acquire money. If you wish to make him wealthy, proceed thus. The wealthy one is not he who cares for great acquisition of property and possesses much, but he who lacks nothing. Teach your son this, instruct him in this; this is the greatest wealth. Do not concern yourself with making him known by external learning and bringing him glory, but strive to teach him to despise the glory of this present life; through this he will be more glorious and renowned. This is possible for both the rich and the poor. This is not learned from secular teachers and not by means of sciences, but from the Divine Scriptures. Do not concern yourself that your son live here long, but that he be deemed worthy there of endless and unending life; give him what is great, not what is small. Heed the words of the Apostle Paul: “raise your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). Do not strive to make him an orator, but teach him wisdom. If he is not an orator, no harm will come of it, but without wisdom the most abundant oratory will bring no benefit. Good conduct is needed, not cleverness; morality, not force of speech; deeds, not words: this provides the Kingdom, this bestows real goods. Do not sharpen the tongue, but purify the soul. I say this not to forbid secular education, but so that you do not cling to it exclusively.

Do not think that only monks need instruction in Scripture; many of these instructions are also needed for those children who must enter worldly life. Just as when equipping a ship there must be a pilot and a full crew not for one who always stands on the shore, but for one who is constantly engaged in navigation, so it is with both the monk and the worldly person. The former, as if standing on an undisturbed shore, passes through life unconcerned and removed from all turmoil, while the latter is constantly tossed about and sails amid the sea, struggling with many waves. Even if he himself (the worldly person) might not have need, yet he might need it so that, if it happens, he might be able to silence others.

The greater the honor one enjoys in this present life, the more such an education is needed for him. Does anyone serve in the royal court? There are many heathen philosophers there, people swollen with temporal glory. Everyone is arrogant and haughty, and those who are not strive to become so. Well then, imagine, if your son, having entered there, approaches like the best physician with an instrument capable of subduing the arrogance of each one, approaches each and speaks, heals the sick body, applies a plaster from Scripture, offers wise proofs.

A monk—with whom will he speak? With his cell wall or with the roof? With the wilderness or the thickets? With mountains or trees? Therefore, such teaching is not as necessary for him; nevertheless he strives to perfect himself in it, not to instruct others but himself. As for people living in this (worldly) life, such teaching is greatly needed for them, because the worldly person is presented with more temptations to sin than the monk. And if you will, know that he with such an education will at the same time be the most pleasant person; all will respect him when they see that he is not hot-tempered and does not strive for power. Knowing this, raise your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. And if someone is poor? Let him remain poor. If he does not stand at court, he is no worse off for that than he who serves at court; rather, he may become an object of wonder. For if heathen—people worth barely three coins, cynics who adopted such a philosophy worth barely three coins (truly, such is Greek philosophy), or rather, not the philosophy itself but only its name, clothed in a mantle and with long hair, put to shame many, is not the true wise man capable of even more? If even a false semblance, merely a shadow of philosophy, so elevates, what shall we say if we truly embrace true radiant wisdom? Will not all respect him? Will they not entrust houses, wives, and children to such wise men without any fear?

Tell me, which are the best plants? Are they not those which contain strength in themselves and suffer no harm from rain, hail, wind gusts, or other such causes, but standing openly and having need of neither roof nor enclosure, as it were despise all? Such is the true wise man, such is his wealth. He has nothing and possesses all; he possesses all and has nothing. For the wall is not inside but outside, and the enclosure is not from nature but built from without. Tell me also, which body is especially strong? That which is healthy, easily bears hunger, requires no excess, does not suffer from cold nor from heat? Or that which is unable to bear all this and, furthermore, for its health needs cooks, weavers, hunters, and physicians? Truly, only the true wise man, who needs nothing like this, is the true rich man. That is why blessed Paul said: “Raise your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). Therefore, do not seek protection for your children in external goods, but raise them according to the apostle’s instruction; in this consists wealth, in this consists glory.

Wealth does great harm when it makes us incapable of bearing life’s reversals. Therefore, raise your children so they can endure all things and know how to act amid misfortunes; bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, and great reward will be given to us. Indeed, if people who depict kings, who paint their portraits, enjoy great honor, shall we not enjoy far greater goods for adorning the image of the Heavenly King (for man is the image of God) when we restore the divine likeness? Virtue of the soul can be compared with this—when we teach children to be good, mild, unmindful of injuries, ready to do good, merciful (which are all properties of God) and when we instruct them not to value earthly goods. Therefore, to form and order ourselves and them—this is our duty! Otherwise how will we dare to stand before the Throne of the Lord? If one whose children are unbridled is unworthy of a bishopric, how much more unworthy is he of the Kingdom of Heaven. Shall we answer for our children if they are disorderly? Yes—if it happens because we did not employ on our part the strict measures that should have been employed.

Neglect of children is the greatest of all sins and in it the extreme degree of impiety. And that I draw this conclusion not without foundation, I will prove it by experience itself, so you may know that although all concerning us were arranged beautifully, yet we would undergo extreme punishment if we neglect the salvation of children. You know the story of the high priest Eli contained in Divine Scripture. If a priest, aged, renowned, who has ruled the Hebrew people blamelessly for twenty years, who lived in times not requiring great strictness in life—nothing could excuse him; rather, he perished terribly and miserably because he did not care for his children with full diligence, and the guilt of this slight care, as a great and powerful fault, exceeded all these advantages and covered all the good deeds of Eli—what condemnation will fall upon us who live in times requiring far greater wisdom, but do not possess even his virtue, and not only do not instruct our children ourselves but also plot against those wishing to do so and arm ourselves against them, and treat our children more harshly than any barbarism? For the cruelty of barbarians only leads to slavery, to devastation and captivity of the homeland and generally to physical evils, but you enslave the very soul and, binding it like a captive, hand it over to evil and fierce demons and their passions. This is precisely what you do, nothing other, when you neither instill anything spiritual in your children nor allow others to do so.

And let no one tell me that many, even more neglectful of their children than Eli, did not suffer anything like Eli; no, many have suffered it, and many more than he, and precisely for this very sin. For where do premature deaths come from? Where do heavy and prolonged illnesses come from for us and our children? Where do losses, misfortunes, sorrows, an countless multitude of evils? Is it not because we do not strive to correct our vicious children? And to be certain that this is not mere conjecture, the sufferings of this old man (Eli) would be sufficient, but I will tell you another word from one of our wise men. Speaking of children, he says thus: “Do not rejoice in ungodly children…if the fear of the Lord is not with them, do not trust their life” (Sir. 16:1–2). For you will weep with untimely tears and, expecting nothing, learn of their destruction. Therefore, many, as I said, have suffered much of this sort; if some have escaped punishment, they will not escape forever; if they escaped here, it is to the ruin of their own head, for they will bear the most severe punishment after departing hence.

Let us not act foolishly because God does not now send a prophet and does not warn of punishment as he did with Eli: now is not the time of prophets, but still He sends them now. How do we know this? “They have Moses and the prophets”, it is said (Lk. 16:29). What was said to those (among whom Moses and the prophets lived) is said also to us, and God speaks not to Eli alone but through him and his sufferings to all who sin like him. God shows no partiality, and if He destroyed one less guilty with his whole house, He will not leave unpunished those who have committed graver crimes.

God Himself has great care for the education of children. For this reason He implanted in nature such an inclination (of parents to children) to place parents in, as it were, inevitable necessity to care for them. And later, speaking to us, He set laws concerning care for them, and instituting festivals, commanded to explain their institutions. Thus, speaking of Passover, He added the instruction: “You shall tell your son on that day, saying, It is because of what the Lord did for me when I came out of Egypt”. He does the same in the Law. For, speaking of the firstborn, He again adds: “When your son asks you in time to come, saying, What is this? You shall say to him, By strength of hand the Lord brought us out of Egypt, out of the house of slavery; for when Pharaoh stubbornly refused to let us go, the Lord killed all the firstborn…therefore I sacrifice to the Lord all males that first open the womb” (Ex. 13:8, 14–15). Through all this He commands to lead children to the knowledge of God. And to the children themselves He commands much concerning their parents, rewarding the obedient and punishing the ungrateful and thus making them more precious to their parents. Indeed, when someone makes us lords over someone, by this honor he imposes on us the strongest obligation to care for them, so that this alone, without anything else, is able to convince us that the entire fate of that person is in our hands, and we will not soon be resolved to harm one entrusted to us thus. When he then becomes angry and indignant more than the offended ones themselves, and appears a stern avenger, he thereby further impels us to fulfill our duty. Thus God has acted. To these two He has added a third obligation, a natural one, or if you will, the first. Namely, in order that parents, receiving the command to educate children, would not neglect His commandments, God bound them by natural necessity. And in order that this bond, being violated by children, not be broken entirely, He protected it with punishments both from Himself and from the parents themselves, thus subjecting children to parents and awakening love for children in parents. However, it is not only in this way but in yet a fourth way that God has tightly bound us to them. He not only punishes evil children in relation to parents and rewards good ones, but does the same with parents, severely punishing those who neglect children and honoring those who are careful with honors and praise. Thus He punished this old man (Eli), worthy of praise in all other respects, for one thing—his neglect of children, while He rewarded the patriarch Abraham for his care no less than for his other virtues. For, speaking of the many and great gifts He promised to give him, God presents as the reason for such a promise this virtue: “I know that he will command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice” (Gen. 18:19).

This I have said now so you may know that God will not be indulgent to those who neglect those about whom He Himself cares so much. For it is impossible that the same God should both do so much Himself for the salvation of these children and disregard it when parents neglect them. So He will not disregard this; rather, He will be even more indignant and wrathful, as has indeed happened. Therefore blessed Paul urgently exhorts, saying: “Fathers, bring up your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” If we are obliged to care sleeplessly for souls, giving account for them (Heb. 13:17); how much more is a father, who has fathered a son, raised him, and constantly lives with him! For as he cannot find excuse and justification in his own sins, so also not in the deeds of his children. And blessed Paul also showed this. When prescribing what those who hold authority over others should be like, he, beyond all necessary qualities for them, requires of them also care for their children, so that we have no excuse when our children are corrupt (see: 1 Tim. 3:4–5). And this is completely just! If evil in people were from nature, then everyone could rightly resort to excuse, but since we are corrupt or honest by our own will, what plausible justification can he offer who has allowed his son, loved more than all, to fall into corruption and impiety? Is it that he did not wish to make him honest? But no father will say this; nature itself impels him urgently and continuously to that. Or that he could not? But this too cannot be said, for everything—both that he took his son under his care in tender age, and that he alone was given authority over him, and that he constantly had him with him—all this makes the education of his son very easy and convenient for him. Therefore the corruption of children comes from nothing other than the insane attachment of fathers to worldly things; turning attention only to this and considering nothing higher than this, they willy-nilly neglect their children and their souls. Of such fathers I will say (and let no one consider these words born of anger) that they are worse even than child-murderers. These separate body from soul, but those cast both together into the fire of Gehenna. The body is subjected to death necessarily and by natural order, but death could be avoided if the carelessness of fathers had not led to it. Furthermore, bodily death can be ended by resurrection when it comes, but the loss of the soul nothing can ever repay; after it follows not salvation but the necessity to suffer eternally. Therefore we would not unjustly call such fathers worse than child-murderers. It is not so cruel to sharpen a sword and, taking it in your right hand, plunge it into the heart of your child, as to ruin and corrupt the soul, because nothing equals it.

If evil were only limited to parents not giving children any useful advice, the evil would not be so great. But you, parents, incite them to the opposite. Indeed, when fathers urge their children to pursue sciences, in their conversation with them you will hear nothing other than such words: “Such-and-such a man, low and from a low station, perfecting himself in eloquence, received a very high position, acquired very great wealth, took a rich wife, built a magnificent house, became terrible and famous to all.” Another says: “Such-and-such a one learned Latin, shines at court and governs everything there.” Still another points to another, and all to those glorified on earth, but of those glorified in heaven no one will remember even once, and even if someone ventures to remind of them, he is pursued as a man who upsets everything. Therefore, when you instill this in children from their youth, you teach them nothing other than the foundation of all vices, instilling in them two of the most violent passions—that is, avarice and an even more vicious passion—vanity. Each of them separately can overturn all, but when both together burst into the tender soul of a youth, then, like joined torrential streams, they destroy all good and bring so much thorns, so much sand, so much rubbish that they make the soul barren and incapable of anything good. How then do you think your son can easily avoid the devil’s snares, being young, living amid Egypt, or rather amid the devil’s host, hearing no helpful advice from anyone and seeing that all, and especially parents and teachers, lead him to the opposite? How could he do this? Through your exhortations? But you instill the opposite in him and, not allowing him to remember wisdom even in a dream, but constantly occupying him with this present life and its advantages, only further contribute to his drowning. Or by himself? Not at all—a youth does not have sufficient strength in himself to perform virtue, and if he produces anything good, that good will quickly, before it grows, perish from the strong rain of your words. For as the body cannot live long when fed not healthy but harmful food, so the soul, receiving such instillation, cannot even think of anything good and great; no, being troubled and weakened, as by some contagion, it finally inevitably sinks into Gehenna and its destruction there.

See, you, as if deliberately striving to destroy your children, command them to do only what makes salvation impossible. Look first. “Woe to those who laugh”, it is said, yet you provide your children with countless reasons for laughter. “Woe to the rich”, yet you only strive for them to become rich. “Woe to you when all people speak well of you” (Lk. 6:24–26), yet you often squander all your wealth for human glory. Again, “whoever insults his brother is liable to hell” (Mt. 5:22), yet you consider weak and cowardly those who silently endure insulting words from others. Christ commands to turn away from strife and quarrel, yet you constantly occupy your children with these evil deeds. He commanded in many cases to tear out the eye if it leads to evil (see: Mt. 5:29), yet you especially make friends of those who can only give you money, even if they teach the utmost depravity. He did not allow divorcing a wife except for adultery (see: Mt. 5:32), yet you, when money can be obtained, command to disregard even this commandment. He forbade swearing completely (see: Mt. 5:34), yet you even laugh when you see this prohibition observed. “Whoever loves his life”, said the Lord, “will lose it” (Jn. 12:25), yet you draw them into this love in every way. “If you do not forgive people their trespasses, your Father will not forgive your trespasses” (see: Mt. 6:15), yet you even reproach your children when they do not wish to take revenge on those who offended them, and strive to lead them quickly to do so. Christ said that those who love glory—whether they fast, pray, or give alms—all do it without benefit (see: Mt. 6:1), yet you only strive for your children to receive it. Why enumerate all? If the vices already mentioned, not only all together but each by itself, is capable of preparing a thousand hells, and you, gathering them all together and laying on your children this unbearably heavy burden of sins, send them with it into the river of fire, how can they be saved carrying so much food for the fire?

And it is not only bad that you instill in your children what contradicts Christ’s commandments, but also that you cover impiety with pleasant-sounding names, calling constant presence at horse races and theaters worldliness, possession of wealth freedom, audacity frankness, extravagance charity, injustice bravery. Then, as if this deception were not enough, you call virtue by opposite names: modesty ignorance, meekness cowardice, justice weakness, humility servility, gentleness powerlessness. You seem to fear lest your children, hearing from others the true name of these virtues and vices, flee the infection. For calling vices by their straight and true names greatly contributes to turning away from them. I know many who were corrected this way and, hearing shameful names applied to themselves, became more modest in life. But you have taken away from your children even this help to correction. And what is worse, you instill evil not only in words but in deeds: you build magnificent houses, buy expensive fields, surround them with other splendor, and with all this, as with a foul cloud, darken their souls. So with what can I convince myself that it is possible for them to be saved when I see that you incline them to such deeds for which Christ has determined inevitable destruction; when I see that you neglect their souls, as if it were something unnecessary, while you care for what is truly superfluous as if necessary and most important. You do everything so that your son has a servant, a horse, and the finest clothing, but that he himself be good—you do not even wish to think of it; no, extending care to such a degree about wood and stones, you do not bestow on the soul even the least part of such care. You do everything only so a wonderful statue stands on your house and the roof is golden, but that the most precious sculpture—the soul—be golden, you do not even wish to think of.

Next, wishing to acquaint our children with sciences, we not only remove obstacles to learning, but also provide them with all that promotes it: we place attendants and teachers with them, spend money, free them from all other occupations, and, more often than teachers at Olympic games, shout at them about poverty from ignorance and wealth from learning—we do and say everything, both ourselves and through others, only to bring them to the end of the learning before them; yet for all that we often do not succeed. But modesty of character and carefulness of honorable conduct, by our reasoning, will come of themselves despite so many obstacles to that? What can be worse than this lack of wisdom—to pay so much attention and care to the easiest thing, as if it could not be achieved otherwise, and to think of something far more difficult that it, like some empty and trivial thing, will come to us even if we sleep? Indeed, exercising the soul in a pious life is so much harder and more difficult than studying sciences as performing is more difficult than speaking, as deeds are harder than words.

But for what reason, you might ask, do our children need wisdom and strict conduct? This very thing has destroyed everything—that a task so necessary and serving as the foundation of our life is considered superfluous and unnecessary. If someone saw his son ill in body, no one would say, “What need does he have for perfect and robust health?” Rather, he would strive in every way to bring the body to such a state that illness would no longer return. But when children’s souls are sick, they say no medical treatment is needed—and after such words they dare to call themselves fathers! So what, you might ask, shall we all become wise and worldly things perish? No, my honored ones, it is not wisdom but deviation from it that has destroyed and disrupted everything. For tell me, who disrupts the present state of affairs—those who live with restraint and modesty, or those who invent new and lawless ways of pleasure? Those who strive to take all that belongs to others, or those who are satisfied with their own? Those who are merciful and meek and do not seek honor among the people, or those who demand honor from their brothers more than any obligation and cause a thousand troubles to one who will not stand before them, will not give the first greeting, will not bow, will not show obsequiousness? Those who love to obey, or those who seek authority and command and are ready to do and endure everything for it? Those who consider themselves better than all and therefore think they can say and do everything, or those who consider themselves last and thereby restrain in themselves the mad willfulness of passions? Those who recognize the weakness of the human race, or those who do not wish to learn this but from excessive pride have ceased to consider themselves even human? Those who keep harlots and defile others’ beds, or those who abstain even from their own wife? Are the former not as tumors on the body and turbulent winds in the sea, and do they not by their intemperance drown those who could have saved themselves by themselves? And do the latter not shine like bright lights amid deep darkness, calling those in distress at sea to their safety and, kindling a lamp of wisdom from afar on high, do they not guide in this way all who wish to a calm harbor? Are not disturbances and wars, battles, destruction of cities, captivity and slavery, loss of freedom, murders, and countless misfortunes in life—misfortunes not only inflicted on men by men but also all sent from heaven, such as droughts and floods, earthquakes, submersion of cities, famines, plagues, and all else sent thence—all caused by those? Yes, they overturn public order and destroy the common good; they cause countless misfortunes to others, they who disturb people seeking peace, draw them and tear them apart on all sides. For them exist courts and laws, prosecutions, and various types of punishment.

If we wished to educate our children from the youngest age and hand them over to those wishing to raise them, they could certainly become in the first rank of the army, for God would not despise such diligence and zeal, but would extend His hand and lay it on the sculpture. And when His hand acts, then it is impossible not to have success in deeds, or rather, it is impossible not to reach the highest degree of brilliance and glory, if only what depends on us is fulfilled. If even women could turn God’s heart to help in the education of children, how much more could we do this if we wished. So as not to extend the discourse too far, I will pass in silence over other women, although I could point to many, and will mention only one. There was a Jewess—Anne. This Anne bore one son and no longer hoped to have another because she had barely obtained even this one after many tears due to her barrenness. Although her rival often insulted her for this barrenness, she did not act as you act, but even having obtained that son, held him only as long as he needed to be nourished with her milk. And as soon as he no longer needed this food, she, taking him, immediately consecrated him to God and did not ask that he return to his father’s house, but left him to live constantly in the temple of God. And if ever, by maternal feeling, she wished to see him, she did not call the boy to her, but came to him herself with the father and already treated him carefully, as a gift offered in sacrifice to God. And therefore the young man became so valiant and great that when God turned away from the Jewish people for their extreme impiety, did not utter prophecies and did not reveal visions, he by his virtue again drew God and entreated Him to grant the Jews what they had before and to renew the ceased prophecies. And he did this not in mature age but still a small boy. “The word of the Lord was rare in those days; there was no frequent vision” (1 Sam. 3:1), yet God often revealed His will to him (Samuel). Thus it is beneficial always to entrust one’s possessions to God and to renounce not only money and things but even our children themselves. For if this is commanded us to do with respect to our own soul (see: Mt. 10:37), how much more with respect to all else. The patriarch Abraham did this, or rather much more than this, and therefore received his son with greater glory. And truly, we then especially have our children with us when we give them to the Lord. For He will preserve them far better than we, for He cares more for them. Do you not see that this happens even in the houses of the rich? There the lower servants living with their fathers are not so respected and do not have such power, but those whom the masters, taking from their parents, appoint to their service and make keepers of treasures, enjoy greater favor and freedom. If men are so kind and benevolent to their servants, how much more the unlimited Goodness, that is, God.

Let us allow our children to serve God, leading them not only into a temple like Samuel, but into heaven itself to serve with Angels and Archangels. For it is clear to everyone that those who have devoted themselves to this chastity will truly serve with them (the Angels). Besides, such children will intercede with great boldness not only for themselves but also for us. For if some children received help from God for their fathers’ sake, how much more can fathers receive help for their children’s sake; because in the first case the right to help is only the unity of nature, but in the latter case it is education as well, which is far more important than nature. I will prove both to you from Divine Scripture. Thus Hezekiah, a king virtuous and pious, but who did not have confidence by his own deeds to stand against the great danger threatening him, God saved for his father’s virtue, as He Himself says: “I will defend this city to save it for my own sake and for the sake of my servant David” (2 Kings 19:34). And Paul in his Epistle to Timothy spoke of parents thus: “Yet a woman will be saved through childbearing if she remains in faith and love and holiness with self-control” (1 Tim. 2:14–15). And Scripture praises Job both for being “a man…blameless and upright, righteous and godly, turning away from all evil” (Job 1:1) and for his care of his children. And in what did this care consist? Listen to what Scripture says: “When the days of the feast had run their course, Job would send and sanctify them, and he would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings according to the number of them all; for Job said, “It may be that my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts.” Thus Job did continually” (Job 1:5). What justification will we have then, acting so negligently? For if he who lived before grace and before the law and heard no teaching had such great care for his children that he feared even for their secret sins, who will justify us who live in the time of grace, have so many teachers, so many examples and exhortations, yet not only do not fear for secret sins but pay no attention even to open sins, and not only do we pay no attention ourselves but also persecute those wishing to correct them? And Abraham, as I said before, distinguished himself among others by this virtue.

Therefore, having so many examples, let us prepare godly ministers and servants for God. If one who raises wrestlers for cities or trains soldiers for the king deserves great honor, what gift can we receive, raising for God such valiant and great men, or rather, angels? Let us do everything to leave them the wealth of piety, which remains constant, accompanies us even after death, and can bring the greatest benefit not only here but there. Worldly wealth will not pass into eternity with men but will perish here before them and often destroys its owners, but the wealth of piety both here and there remains constant and will preserve those who have acquired it in great safety. This is indeed true: whoever prefers earthly to spiritual will lack both, but whoever strives for the heavenly will surely obtain the earthly as well. These are not my words but those of the Lord Himself, Who promises to give these goods: “Seek first the Kingdom of God…and all these things will be added to you” (Mt. 6:33). What can compare with this honor? Be concerned, He says, with the spiritual, and leave all else to Me. As a tender father takes upon himself all care of the house, management of servants and all else, and advises his son to occupy himself only with wisdom, so also God acts. Let us be obedient, let us seek the Kingdom of God, then we will see our children honored everywhere, and we ourselves will be glorified with them, will enjoy both present goods if only we love future and heavenly ones. If you listen, you will receive a great reward, but if you resist and do not listen, you will suffer especially severe punishment. For we cannot justify ourselves and say, “No one taught us this.”

Youth is uncontrollable and needs many instructors, teachers, guides, supervisors, educators. And only under such conditions is it possible to curb it. An unbridled horse, an untamed beast—that is what youth also is. Therefore, if from the beginning and from the first age we set proper bounds for it, then later we will not need great effort; rather, habit will become law for them. Let us not allow them to do what is pleasant and at the same time harmful; let us not indulge them because they are children, but especially let us preserve them in chastity. For this causes the most harm to youth. This is what we should care about most, this is what we should be especially attentive to. Let us soon take wives for them so that, having a pure and uncorrupted body, they may be joined with brides. Such love is especially ardent. Whoever was chaste before marriage usually remains so after marriage. Conversely, whoever learned to fornicate before marriage will do the same after marriage. For it is said in Scripture: “All bread is sweet to a fornicator” (Sir. 23:23). This is why crowns are placed on the head—as a sign of victory, that they, unconquered, enter the wedding chamber—that they were not overcome by lust. If someone, swept away by licentiousness, has given himself to harlots, why should he have a crown on his head after this when he is conquered? This we will teach them, this we will instruct them, terrify them, threaten them, doing now one, now another.

We are entrusted with an important deposit—children. Let us therefore care for them and employ all measures so that the wicked one does not steal them from us. Meanwhile, the opposite happens. We employ every effort so that the field is good and so as to entrust it to a reliable man. And we seek the most skilled driver of donkeys and mules, a superintendent, a steward, but we pay no attention to what is most precious for us, namely that we entrust a son to a man who can preserve him in chastity, although this possession is more valuable than all others and the remaining goods come because of it. We care for property for them, but not for them themselves. Do you see what madness has seized us! First form the soul of your son, and he will receive his possessions later. If his soul is not good, he will have no benefit whatsoever from money; and conversely, if it has received proper education, poverty will not harm him in the least. Do you wish to leave him rich? Teach him to be good. For children who have not received proper education, poverty is better than wealth; it even, against their will, keeps them within the bounds of virtue; while the latter, although someone might wish it, does not allow one to live a chaste life but sweeps you away, overwhelms you, and leads into countless crimes.

You mothers, above all watch over your daughters: this care is not difficult for you. Observe that they sit at home and above all teach them to be pious, modest, to despise money and not to care too much about adornment. Thus also marry them off. If you raise your daughter thus, you will save not only her but also her husband and children, and not only the children but the grandchildren. If the root is good, the branches will develop better, and for all this you will receive a reward. Therefore let us all do this, as befits those caring for the good not of one soul but of many through one. For they (daughters), when entering into marriage, should leave their fathers’ houses as wrestlers leave the place of contests, that is, they should know precisely all the science by which they could, like leaven, raise the whole mixture to their own beauty.

And your sons likewise should be so modest that they might be recognized as soon as possible by their good character and chastity, that they might deserve great praise both from men and from God. Let them learn to refrain from unnecessary expenses, to be prudent, tenderly loving; let them learn to obey authority. For thus they can bring parents great reward. Then all will be directed to the glory of God and our salvation, in Christ Jesus our Lord, with Whom to the Father, together with the Holy Spirit, be glory, power, and honor now and always, and forever and ever. Amen.