Chapter 104
On Prayer and the Right Disposition of One Who Prays
104.2.1 The mercy of God be with you!
104.3.1 A. I.!
104.4.1 You did well to come on foot, and with so many companions! Both the Lord and the Mother of God will graciously receive the sacrifice of your labor, and will reward you with the gift of what you need for your salvation—not what your will desires.
104.5.1 May the Lord bless your desire to confess and receive Holy Communion by granting you the grace to fulfill this desire![1]
104.6.1 Make your confession to the monastery’s spiritual father, Fr. Hilarion, or to someone else. The Lord Himself receives confession, and the spiritual father is only a witness... his ears, tongue, and blessing hands—but it is the Lord who acts and absolves; just as it is the Lord who communes us.
104.7.1 What good companions you have—in your soul. But behind them all stands one sin... they make a prostration or two... and then expect to get what they want... right here and now.[2] But if they don’t get what they want, they raise a murmur and blaspheme God’s providence. So they receive nothing at all. This ‘hand it over right now’ attitude means commanding God.[3] Don’t pray like that, but like this: ‘Lord, You see that I need such-and-such, that such-and-such weighs on me. Help me and arrange things for me as Your holy will pleases, not as my will desires!’
104.8.1 Having set yourself in this frame of mind, you must pray for a long time—not long all at once, but long over time... today, tomorrow... a week, a month, a year. Just keep crying out: ‘Lord, deliver me! Lord, help me! Yet not my will, but Yours be done!’ That’s how the Lord spoke in the garden of Gethsemane, and the widow in the parable... pestered the judge—and received what she asked for. The saints even have a saying: we must pester the Lord and His saints.
104.9.1 May the Lord bless you!
104.10.1 Here are the little books—Olga herself designated them... for you, Lydia, and Elizabeth—three: 1) ‘Collection...’; 2) ‘Soul and Angel’; 3) ‘Paterikon’... divide by lot... The little books... whichever one appeals to whom...[4]
104.11.1 Three more ‘Paterikon’ copies: for N. I. – for Chernichka... and Mother Leonida.
104.12.1 Your intercessor, Bishop Theophan.
104.13.1