The Great Mystery: Christ and the Church; Children and Parents (Ephesians 5:28–6:4)

Eph. 5:28. So ought husbands also to love their own wives as their own bodies: he that loves his own wife loves himself.

He puts forward a new, stronger, and clearer incentive to love. What was said before could have been understood obscurely and might have seemed remote. So he speaks as if to say: perhaps what was said is not so plain to you—I will put it more directly and nearer to home: “love your wives as your own bodies”; for in very truth they are your bodies, and in loving them you are not turning toward someone else but toward yourself, since in loving your wives you love yourselves. The holy Chrysostom traces the flow of the argument thus: “The Apostle passes to a stronger example; and not only that, but to one nearer and clearer, and to a new reason. For that previous example did not seem altogether necessary—lest anyone should say, He was Christ, He was God, and He gave Himself—the Apostle proves the same thing by another means, saying: ‘so ought they to love, as their own bodies.’ This, then, is not a favor but a duty.”

What follows from the duty of loving one’s wife “as one’s own body” is self-evident. “But in what way is a wife the flesh of her husband? Listen: ‘Behold, now,’ said Adam, ‘bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh’ (Gen. 2:23). Eve is flesh from Adam’s flesh” (the holy Chrysostom). This foundation the Apostle does not state here, presuming it to be known. For whoever knows how the woman was originally formed cannot wonder how a wife is the body of her husband. The first mother Eve was taken from the first father Adam, and Adam straightway defined her by saying: “Behold, flesh of my flesh.” But what was then accomplished physically is afterward, by the law established by God, accomplished between husband and wife morally. After marriage, a husband has his wife as part of himself in his own feeling; and in her own feeling a wife has herself grafted onto her husband, so that in very truth they are both one flesh—one being, one person. The Apostle speaks as though to say: there is no need to teach you how to love your wife; love her as a part of yourself. Certainly love for a wife requires sacrifices (as was implicit above in the reference to the relation of Christ the Lord to the Church), but these sacrifices are not made for someone else—they are made for yourself. He who loves his wife loves himself. Therefore, he who sacrifices anything for his wife sacrifices for himself.

Eph. 5:29. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ “the church.”

If a husband’s love for his wife is so natural, there would seem to be no need to speak of it. Love is indeed always present, but it often loses its true meaning. It happens that a husband loves his wife and yet treats her as an object. The Apostle reminds such a man: take care—she is a part equal to yourself, for you and she together form one whole. It happens that a husband looks upon his wife with too carnal an eye. The Apostle reminds such a man: she is your body, but not for bodily pleasures; have for her a rational love, as the law commands us to relate to the body rationally. He who relates to his body rationally nourishes and cherishes it not for the sake of fleshly pleasures, but because it is the necessary instrument for fulfilling the purposes of life (Blessed Jerome). Guard, nourish, and cherish your wife as an instrument—not a mechanical one, but a self-acting one—as a helper and fellow-worker.

The Apostle’s aim in these words is not to dispose husbands to love their wives—that happens of itself—but to transform this love from a natural instinct into a moral law and duty, which must not be violated by any caprice of the heart but must retain its force throughout life, as the union of soul with body; and especially to transform it from carnal love into spiritual love—to spiritualize it—which he does by pointing to the rational care of the body, and most of all by the example of Christ the Lord’s relationship to the Church.

Everyone nourishes and cherishes his own flesh: nourish and cherish your wife also, but as Christ the Lord nourishes and cherishes His Church. By the words “to nourish and to cherish” the Apostle has indicated an all-round solicitude, and by referring to Christ’s nourishing and cherishing of the Church he has defined the character and aims of that solicitude. In what way does Christ exercise care for the Church? “That she might be holy and without blemish,” as was said above. One must suppose that the Apostle has in view similar aims in the nourishing and cherishing of a wife, and not merely feeding, clothing, and shoeing her. Blessed Jerome suggests the thought: let wives also strive toward full pleasing of God, so as to grow up into a perfect man—and to cease being women. Then, taking the Apostle’s words in a figurative sense and seeing in the husband the soul and in the wife the body, he says: let the soul so train its body that it too may see the salvation of God. Finally he brings both together and says: “Let husbands cherish wives, and souls bodies, so that wives are transformed into husbands and bodies into souls—and that the distinction of sexes might cease. But as among the Angels there is neither male nor female, so we also, who are to be equal to the Angels, let us from now on begin to be that which we are promised to be in heaven.”

Yet one must not lose sight of the fact that the Apostle is elucidating the duty of love solely from the Christian point of view. The example of Christ the Lord’s love for the Church he sets forth both as a model and, perhaps, in order mutually to illuminate the relationship of Christ the Lord to the Church as well, by applying what is known in the natural order to the orders of the supernatural. But it is also true that there is nothing like, nor can there be anything like, the way Christ nourishes and cherishes the Church in any natural order whatsoever. What is meant here is not what the Lord said about His care for the Old Testament Church: “How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her chickens under her wings” (Matt. 23:37; Lk. 13:34)—though this also has its place—but something more particular, more intimate, more essential. For between Christ and the Church the union is not an external one—of one alongside another—but the most inward—of one in the other. Eve was from Adam; but she became separate from him, and their union remained of the soul, as is the union of husband and wife. The Church also is from Christ, but she does not become separate from Him; rather, she has Him within her, penetrating all that is in her and living within her wholly. This the Apostle expresses in the following verse:

Eph. 5:30. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

We—all believers—are members of His body; we constitute His body, which is the Church. Each believer is reborn from Christ and enters into His body without being separated from Him. “Of His flesh and of His bones”—a figurative expression of the fact that Christian being is derived by us from Christ. The holy Chrysostom says: “As the Son of God is of our nature, so we are of His substance; and as He has us in Himself, so we have Him in ourselves.” This is accomplished in baptism and sustained by communion: for “as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ” (Gal. 3:27)—these are not mere words but a real transformation according to the image of Christ, and on account of such likeness a real union with Him. Likewise, what is said of the communicant—“He abides in Me, and I in him” (Jn. 6:56)—is a matter of real substance. — This is how we are of His flesh and of His bones, and how we are His members. — The holy Chrysostom says: “What does ‘of His flesh’ mean? It means, truly from Him. But how do we thereby become members of Christ? In this way: we were born like to Him. How from His flesh? You who partake of the mysteries know this, for through it we are forthwith transformed.” Blessed Theodoret writes: “As Eve was formed from Adam, so are we from the Lord Christ. With Him we are buried and rise again in baptism; we eat His body and drink His blood.”

This is how Christ the Lord nourishes and cherishes His Church—all believers. The matter is accomplished more essentially and more deeply than general providence. — So it is, though it is beyond comprehension and perhaps even exceeds some people’s faith. O Lord, increase our faith!

Eph. 5:31. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined to his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

The meaning of the passage is clear. “Honor this first law, which was given at the creation of woman and is implanted in human nature. For he who enters into marriage, leaving his parents, is united to his wife, and the bond becomes so close that two are regarded as constituting one flesh” (Blessed Theodoret). But for what reason is this law cited?

All the commentators relate these words to verse 28, as proof of why a husband, loving his wife, loves her as his own body and as himself. For this reason, the Apostle says, this is and must be the case: they become one flesh. But it seems closer to relate them to the immediately preceding discourse on the close, living union of believers with Christ the Lord. It was said: we are of His flesh and of His bones. Therefore, that law which God proclaimed following the same words spoken by Adam also applies to us. Adam said: “Behold, bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh,” and God sealed this with a law: for this cause a man shall leave, and so forth. So shall it be from now on through all generations of the age. The holy Apostle, having cited Adam’s words to illuminate the union of believers with the Lord, also cites that law concerning the joining of husband and wife. But if the words “of His bones and of His flesh,” taken from Adam’s speech, must be understood as referring to the union of believers with Christ, then why should the law proclaimed immediately after Adam’s words be understood in a literal, rather than an applied, sense—as referring to the union of believers with Christ? There is no necessity for this, all the more since immediately following, the Apostle himself defines the direction of his discourse: “this I say with reference to Christ and the Church.” — Therefore, nothing prevents us from understanding the words of this verse as pointing to the law by which Christ the Lord is united with believing souls and believing souls with Christ the Lord. And it seems the Apostle had especially in view this latter aspect of the union, namely the union of souls with the Lord—and the aim of his words “two shall be one flesh” is: believers and the Lord are one. For this reason the Apostle uses: αντι τουτου — for this cause. Before, he said: the Lord nourishes and cherishes us, since we are flesh from His flesh and bone from His bones. Now he says: for this cause—we must be so cleaved to Him as to constitute one. For He has already so shared in us as to give Himself wholly to us. A pointer to such a thought may be found in the words of the holy Chrysostom: “Thus also we become with Christ one flesh—by communion.” And a little later: here there takes place “a spiritual union in which the soul is joined to the Lord by an unutterable bond, as He alone knows. Hence it is also said: ‘he that is joined to the Lord is one spirit [with the Lord]’ (1 Cor. 6:17). Of this the Psalmist also says: ‘Hearken, O daughter, and consider, and incline your ear; forget also your own people and your father’s house: so shall the King greatly desire your beauty’ (Ps. 44:11, 12).” This is likewise suggested by the words of Blessed Jerome: “These words in their figurative sense refer to Christ and the Church. Adam prefigured Christ, Eve the Church. As from Adam and Eve all the human race was born, so from Christ and the Church all the multitude of believers was born and continues to be born—and this multitude, constituting one body, is again inserted into the side of Christ and fills the place of the rib, having become one flesh with Him, as with a husband. Of this the Lord Himself prayed in the Gospel: ‘that they all may be one: as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You, that they also may be one in Us’ (Jn. 17:21).”

With this understanding, the words that follow also become clear:

Eph. 5:32. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

It is evident that the Apostle cited the preceding words in order to turn the readers’ minds to the relationship of Christ the Lord to the Church and the Church to Christ. This he now confirms, speaking as if to say: these words I cite in their highest, mystical significance; they directly indicate the close union of husband and wife, but they also express the great mystery of the communion of Christ the Lord and the Church. How this is to be applied to that mystery the Apostle does not explain, leaving that for the believers themselves to work out; but as a guide he has already said several words above, namely: Christ nourishes and cherishes the Church, we are of His flesh and of His bones. After this it is not difficult to carry the correspondence further and to see in the words expressing the essence of marriage and its indissolubility also an expression of the mystical union of Christ the Lord with the Church. The Son of God in the Incarnation, as it were, left His Heavenly Father (without being separated from Him) and entered into a mystical union with redeemed humanity—the Church—which is also from His side and together with Him constitutes one.

The holy Chrysostom, while pointing to the great mystery in the marriage union as well, holds that the true mystery—even in his reading—is in the Lord’s condescension and His union with the Church. He says: “Truly this is a mystery—that a man, leaving the one who begot him, bore him, raised him, and leaving her who conceived him, suffered with him, gave birth to him in pain—leaving those who did him so much good, to whom he was accustomed—is united with one whom he had not previously seen, who has nothing in common with him, and prefers her to everything. Truly this is a mystery. And parents are not grieved—on the contrary, they grieve when this does not happen—and as a sign of joy they do not spare money or expenses. Truly this is a great mystery, containing a hidden wisdom.” — But the holy Chrysostom said this after having already pointed to in these words the mystery of the union of Christ the Lord with the Church. “I speak,” the Apostle adds, “concerning Christ”—as He also, leaving the Father, descended and came to His bride and became one spirit with her (and she with Him). “For ‘he that is joined to the Lord is one spirit [with the Lord]’” (1 Cor. 6:17). The same is written by Theodoret: “Christ Himself, leaving the Father on high, was united with the Church. But He left according to the notion of the Incarnation, because as God He is inseparable from God, since He Himself also has an uncircumscribed nature.” In this lies the mystery. — Blessed Jerome expounds this truth more fully: “Not everything that is narrated about Adam and Eve, written in the book of Genesis, can conveniently, as some think, be applied to Christ and the Church, but only what is said in the present passage, namely: ‘for this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and the two shall be one flesh.’ The first man Adam, as the first prophet, foretold this of Christ and the Church—that our Lord and Saviour would leave His Father God and His mother the heavenly Jerusalem, and would come to earth for the sake of His body the Church, and would form her from His side: for this purpose the Word became flesh. And as not all mysteries are equal but one mystery is greater and another lesser, he now says: ‘this mystery is great’; and showing at the same time a sign of his own humility, he adds: ‘but I speak concerning Christ and the Church.’ Gregory the Theologian, a most eloquent man and deeply versed in Scripture, when we were discussing this passage with him, said more than once: see how mystical is that little section (apparently in the book of Genesis), since the Apostle, interpreting it with reference to Christ and the Church, does not assert that he has expounded it as the dignity of the text demands, but speaks as if to say: I know that this passage is full of unspeakable mysteries and requires a divine heart of its interpreter; but I, in the smallness of my understanding, think it should be understood with reference to Christ and the Church—not because anything could be greater than Christ and the Church, but because it is very difficult to interpret everything said about Adam and Eve with reference to Christ and the Church.”

Eph. 5:33. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

It seems to have occurred to the Apostle that someone might misuse his words about the cleaving of believers to the Lord until they become one with Him, and begin to teach that for Christians the conjugal love of husbands for their wives is altogether out of place, and consequently marriage itself as well. Hence he qualifies his words: “Nevertheless…” Yet this does not prevent each of you from loving his own wife; let every man love his wife as himself, and the wife see that she reverence her husband. One should add: only let all things be in the Lord—so as not to allow such love to become an obstacle to cleaving to the Lord. The holy Chrysostom says: “As if he had said: this allegorical proof does not abolish the necessity of love.” “Although I received those words in a mystical sense, yet this does not annul that literal law stated here, which defines the relationship of husband and wife” (Theophylact). The same is said by Theodoret and Oecumenius.

The words “and the wife see that she reverence her husband” do not presuppose the fear of a slave, but oblige a wife to honor and respect her husband—as it were, to hold him in reverence. Thus Blessed Jerome: “Let her fear, that is, let her honor her husband and hold him in reverence.” In this sense, the same is said here as was said above: “submit yourselves”—that wives should not depart from their husband’s will but honor his arrangements and carry them out faithfully. The holy Chrysostom says: “A wife is the second authority; therefore she must not demand equality with her husband, since she is under the head, nor must he look upon her with arrogance as upon a subordinate, for she is his body. If the head neglects the body, it will perish itself; but in return for her obedience, the head—the husband—must bring love: as the head, so the body. But what kind of love can there be where there is fear? — It is precisely there that it will be found. For she who fears also loves, and she who loves also fears, as a head, and loves as a member: for the head is a member of the whole body. For this reason he subjected her to him and exalted the husband above her, so that there might be peace. The Apostle showed the pattern of love, but not the pattern of fear. Why is this? Because he wants love to predominate. If it is there, everything else will follow; but if only fear is there, not fully so. He who loves his wife, even if she is not very obedient, bears everything; but if spouses are not bound by the power of love, harmony between them is a difficult thing. Fear in that case does not produce the same effect. Therefore the Apostle dwells especially on what is stronger. And the wife, although she seems to be assigned the worse part in that fear is prescribed for her, loses nothing thereby, because what is especially important is prescribed to the husband—he is commanded to love her. — And you, husband, hearing of fear, require the fear that befits a free woman, not as from a slave: for she is your body. And if you act otherwise, you will disgrace yourself, dishonoring your own body. What is this fear? That she should not contradict, that she should not step outside your obedience, that she should not strive for the preeminent place. It is enough to stir up only this kind of fear. But if you love as you ought, you will gain far more respect for yourself, and will gain it not so much through threats as through love itself. The female sex is very weak; it needs great help and particular indulgence. Indulging her weakness, provide her with everything, do everything for her, and bear with her: this is necessary for you. Although the wife also has authority in the home—the second authority; although she has governance and is of equal honor with the husband, yet for all that the husband has something more, namely, the foremost care of the house. Corresponding to Christ, he also received the charge not only to love his wife as he ought, but to order her life aright. ‘Let her be,’ he says, ‘holy and without blemish.’ If you make her holy and without blemish, everything else will follow from this. Seek what is of God, and what is human will follow very easily. Rule your wife, and your home will be well-ordered. — Remember Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, the three hundred and eighteen members of his household: how well-ordered was their home, how wholly full of godliness. Sarah fulfilled the apostolic commandment and feared her husband (calling him lord). And Abraham so loved her that he listened to her in everything she rightly desired.”

Eph. 6:1. Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.

“As artists, when depicting bodies, begin with the head, then move to the neck, and finally to the feet, so does the blessed Paul proceed in his discourses. Having spoken first of husband and wife, he now comes to speak of children, because the husband holds authority over the wife, and over the children the husband and wife together. Listen, then, to what he says: ‘children, obey your parents in the Lord’” (the holy Chrysostom).

Obedience is the fundamental duty of children toward their parents, the natural consequence of the physical and moral dependence in which children stand in relation to their parents. It takes on a Christian character when, in addition to all this, it is rendered “in the Lord”—that is, in Jesus Christ, in the spirit of Christ, for Christ’s sake, proceeding from a comprehensive prior obedience to Christ the Lord—or, as was said at the outset, in the fear of the Lord.

The words “in the Lord” both indicate that this obedience is well-pleasing to the Lord, and also suggest that in the event that the will of the parents conflicts with the will of the Lord, children may refrain from obeying them so as not to disobey the Lord. The holy Chrysostom says: “In the Lord—that is, this is the Lord’s will. God, he says, has commanded it so. But what is one to do if the commands are immoral? Although it is very difficult to expect any father, even the most dishonorable, to command his children to do anything immoral, nevertheless for such a case too the Apostle gives instruction by saying: ‘in the Lord’—that is, in such a way that by fulfilling your parents’ will you do not offend God. For example, if a father is a pagan or a heretic, one ought not to obey him in everything, because this is not ‘in the Lord’ (that is, obeying him in matters pertaining to paganism or heresy).”

“For this is right.” This is the first foundation of this commandment and the first incentive for it. The natural law of justice requires this as well. What can be more just than to obey those from whom one has received existence, upbringing, and the direction of one’s life? An equal return for this cannot even be made. Let perpetual obedience be offered in return. In order that this natural duty be hallowed by faith, children must see in their parents the representatives of the Creator and Provider, through whom He declares His will concerning them, and in that capacity obey and honor them. The holy Chrysostom says: “Note what a firm foundation for a virtuous life the Apostle lays—and rightly—in the honoring and respecting of parents. Having forbidden bad conduct and intending to set forth the teaching on good works, he commands above all honor to parents, since they are, after God, the chief authors of our life; therefore they too are the first to have the right to our honor, and after them all other people. But if someone is not respectful to his parents, will he ever be so toward strangers?!”

Eph. 6:2. Honour your father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise.

The Apostle draws the second foundation and incentive for obedience to parents from the commandment of the Law to honor father and mother. Who, if he sincerely honors his parents, could bring himself to show them disobedience? And who could believe, of one who shows no obedience, that he honors his parents? Honoring parents is an inward feeling; acts of obedience to them are the outward expression of that inward honor. But since obedience is possible even apart from honor—out of fear, or for some calculation, such as inheritance—the Apostle did well to make the law of honor the foundation of obedience, so that it might be clear who is a true exhibitor of obedience.

“But in what sense is it said: ‘which is the first commandment’? The Apostle calls this commandment ‘first’ not in reference to order but in reference to the promise” (the holy Chrysostom).

Eph. 6:3. That it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth.

“Here the Apostle does not speak of Christ or of other lofty subjects, because the minds he is addressing are still tender; for this same reason he keeps his exhortation brief, since children cannot follow a lengthy discourse; and for this same reason he does not say a single word about the Kingdom of God, for such an age is not ready to hear of it. Rather, he speaks of what the childlike soul most of all desires to hear, namely, that it will live long. And if anyone should inquire why the Apostle does not speak to children of the Kingdom of grace but offers them a commandment from the Law of Moses—to such persons we say that he acted thus toward them both because they are still very young, and also because he well understood that if husband and wife are faithful to the law he has set before them, it will not cost them great effort to bring their children under the same law. When a thing has a good beginning and a sure and firm foundation, it proceeds very easily, successfully, and steadily. But to lay a foundation and set a support—therein lies no small difficulty” (the holy Chrysostom).

Eph. 6:4. And, you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

“You fathers.” He makes no mention of mothers—not because they have no share in the care of children, but because this labor is undivided between father and mother, and what is said to one falls upon both. “Fathers” here means the same as “parents.”

“Provoke not your children.” By the manner of your dealings with them, do not bring them to the point where they could feel displeasure, irritation, annoyance, or anger toward you. Anger in general is sinful; anger toward one’s parents is still more sinful. Do not lead them into this sin. This happens through excessive strictness, indiscriminate severity, and various injustices, all of which sometimes make children more oppressed than slaves. Hence in the Epistle to the Colossians, as the incentive for not provoking children, it is stated: “lest they be discouraged” (Col. 3:21). Before Christianity, fathers exercised too great a power over their children; this had become customary. To cut away this excess, the Apostle writes thus, so that among Christians what is customary among the Gentiles might not be repeated.

Having required them “not to provoke”—by which one may say he has forbidden every mode of dealing with children contrary to the spirit of Christianity—he requires them “to bring them up.” What the Apostle insists upon, however, is not so much the fact of bringing them up, since this is already done everywhere by the law of nature, but that they should bring them up as they ought. The Apostle defines this by two words: “in nurture and admonition” — παιδεια and νουθεσια. If one considers the manner of upbringing, the first word suggests pedagogical strictness and the second the heartfelt, maternal guidance and persuasion. Hence: to bring up in strictness, with meekness and tenderness. If one considers the subjects or aspects of upbringing, the first word points to the formation of character and the second to the instilling in the mind of sound conceptions of all things.

The norm for both is the spirit of Christianity, so that both nurture and admonition be of the Lord. The Apostle therefore requires of parents that, balancing strictness with meekness, they teach their children both to live in a Christian manner and to look upon all things with Christian eyes—that is, to judge all things with a Christian mind.

The holy Chrysostom says on this passage: “He did not say: love them; nature itself draws them to this even if they do not wish it, and therefore it was superfluous to lay down a law on this matter. But what does he say? ‘Provoke not your children to wrath’—as many parents do, disinheriting their children, leaving them without care, treating them harshly like slaves. Therefore he says: ‘provoke not your children to wrath.’ Then, pointing to what is especially important, he shows how to make them obedient, and says that this depends on the head and the ruler. Just as he pointed to the husband as the cause of the wife’s obedience, and therefore addressed him at length, urging him, among other things, to draw his wife to himself by the power of love, so also in the present case he lays the cause of the children’s obedience in the husband, when he says: ‘bring them up’ ‘in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.’ Do you see that when there is spiritual good, the bodily good will follow as well? Do you wish your son to be obedient? From childhood bring him up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Do not suppose that hearing the Divine Scriptures is a superfluous thing for him. There he will hear: ‘Honor your father and your mother’ (Ex. 20:12)—words directed to your own benefit. Do not say: ‘This hearing of the Scriptures is a matter for monks; am I to make him a monk? There is no need for him to be a monk!’ What is this fear within you—are you afraid of something full of many advantages? Make him a Christian. For laypeople too have great need to attend to the teaching contained in the Scriptures, and especially children, since at that age they are still ignorant of so much. But, not knowing the divine truths, they nevertheless know something from pagan writings, learning from them the lives of heroes deemed admirable by pagan estimation—heroes who served their passions and present no good example for emulation. Your son therefore needs this saving guidance—‘in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.’”

Is it not senseless to teach children skills, to send them to school, to spare nothing for their education of this kind, yet to take no care for their upbringing “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord?” For this very reason we ourselves are the first to reap the fruits of such an upbringing of our children, seeing them insolent, intemperate, disobedient, and dissolute. Let us not act in this way, but let us heed the exhortation of the blessed Paul: let us bring up our children “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord,” let us give them an example of godliness, and let us accustom them from an early age to the reading of the Scriptures. Alas, I keep saying this; it only seems to me that perhaps I am spending my words in vain. But for all that I will not cease to speak of it: this is my duty!

“How long shall we remain people of the flesh? How long shall we crawl upon the earth? Everything else must be secondary for us in comparison with the care for our children and with bringing them up ‘in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.’ He who above all learns to be a lover of wisdom thereby acquires a wealth surpassing all other wealth and the greatest glory. It is not so beneficial to form a son by teaching him sciences and external knowledge, by means of which he will earn money, as it is to teach him the are of despising money. If you want to make him rich, act in this way. Rich is not the one who strives after great accumulation of property and possesses much, but the one who has need of nothing. Instill this in your son; teach him this: this is the greatest riches. Do not concern yourself with making him distinguished through outward learning or gaining him glory; strive rather to teach him to despise the glory of this present life—from this he will be more glorious and more renowned. This is possible for both rich and poor; this is learned not from worldly teachers and not with the help of sciences, but from the Divine Scriptures. Do not strive that your son live long here below, but that there he be vouchsafed a life boundless and unending: give him what is great, not what is small. Attend to the words of the Apostle Paul: ‘bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.’ Do not strive to make him an orator, but teach him to love wisdom. If he does not become an orator, no harm will come of it; but where wisdom is lacking, the most abundant oratory will be of no use. Upright conduct is needed, not wit; morality, not the force of speech; deeds, not words: these win the Kingdom, these bestow true blessings. Do not sharpen the tongue but cleanse the soul. I say this not to forbid secular education, but that we should not be exclusively attached to it.”