Apprehension About Cooling Off in the Future. Various Causes of Cooling Toward the Spiritual Life. How to Conduct Oneself When Cooling Begins to Appear

You are afraid that you might not carry things through to the end, even if you begin with great earnestness. Yes, this is something to be afraid of, for we are often changeable even toward ourselves and against ourselves. One cannot rely on oneself at all. All hope is in the Lord. Do not, however, abandon that fear—sustain it, now by the apprehension of offending the beloved Lord, now by the fear that if you grow weak you will never again rise to such fervor, and meanwhile death may come any day. Later this fear will pass and be replaced by a sure hope of salvation, but for now do not let it go—it will kindle zeal and drive away the inclinations toward slackening, which are most harmful. As a result, in your heart there will be a constant cry: “O Lord, save me! O Lord, grant me success!” And: “By whatever ways Thou knowest, save me, unworthy one!” I always call this an aching, pained clinging to the Lord in the heart. The enemies are strong, and from within and from without one never knows what storms will arise and throw everything into confusion. Fall—and you are lost. So cry out: “O Lord, save me!” This is precisely ”a broken and a contrite heart,” of which the repentant prophet David says that the Lord does not despise it, does not disdain it, but hearkens to it (Ps. 50:19). Take this to heart. Since you have already seen this danger, it costs you little to resolve always to feel it and to cry out for help. This sense of aching, pained clinging to the Lord—born from the consciousness of the surrounding dangers that can halt the course of the spiritual life and stifle it—must be a constant feeling. Mark this well. Whoever has it is moving forward—moving on the straight path. It is the surest sign of this!

You write: “God grant that the present readiness for the work I am beginning may not weaken for a long while.” Not for a long while—it must never weaken. Note that this readiness—that is, zeal in serving the Lord, or fervor in pleasing God, or the resolve to devote oneself to serving the Lord by the exact fulfillment of His commandments (all of which is one and the same thing: the words differ but the matter is one)—constitutes the spiritual life. When this readiness is present, the spiritual life is present; when it is absent, the spiritual life is absent. When it ceases, it is as if spiritual breathing has stopped and the spiritual heart has ceased to beat: the spirit either dies or becomes still. Therefore the first concern of one who has entered upon the way of God must be to sustain and kindle this readiness, zeal, and fervor by every means. One might limit all the subsequent rules to this one thing alone—that is, guard only this zeal and readiness, and it will itself instruct you and will constantly go on instructing you what to do and how to act in every situation. Mark this well!

This, together with the aching clinging to the Lord spoken of before, is the root of the spiritual life, its protection and safeguard. The enemy of this foundational disposition—and therefore the chief enemy—you have rightly identified: coldness. O, what a bitter and most bitter thing it is! But know this: not every diminishing of the warmth of zeal is a ruinous coldness. It can come about from an excess of strain upon the soul’s powers, or from a decline in physical strength or from illness. Either of these—no matter, it will pass. What is calamitous is coldness that results from a willful departure from the will of God—consciously, against the warnings and restraints of conscience, with an attachment to something not of God. This kills the spirit and cuts off the spiritual life. And this above all you must fear—fear it as fire, as death. It comes from the loss of attentiveness to oneself and of the fear of God. Guard these, so as to avoid that terrible evil. As for involuntary, accidental coldness resulting from the exhaustion of one’s powers and from illness, there is one rule for these: endure, without violating any of the established pious practices, even if they are carried out without any taste or feeling. Whoever patiently bears this will find that the coldness soon departs and the customary zeal returns—warm and heartfelt. Please take this into consideration as well, and from this point on resolve, first, never willingly to allow zeal to grow cold; and second, in the event of accidental coldness, to keep on and keep on with the established practices, in the confidence that this dry fulfillment of duties will soon restore the vividness and warmth of zeal.

Everything written to you in these last two letters will be useful to you later, when you are actually living the new life. But since even now, while the ordering of your life is still for the most part mental, you need to take into account all possible contingencies ahead, I thought it not superfluous to spell all this out more fully now—especially since your own words provided the occasion for it.

This is precisely what delighted me: that you, perhaps without realizing it, touched upon the most essential aspects of the spiritual life. This means that your mind is working rightly. The Lord, Who sees your readiness to serve Him with all your soul, is helping you—and you yourself do not know how these or those thoughts and apprehensions come to mind. It is your guardian angel, by the Lord’s command, who is explaining things to you. May the Lord bless your undertaking! With my whole soul I wish you success.

When you begin working on yourself, you will find that all external guidance and directions are only aids. What exactly the soul needs at any given moment, and how best to act in one situation or another—this every soul must decide for itself, with the help of God’s grace, which guides it invisibly. One who sincerely desires to please the Lord and has given himself over to Him wholly always finds the right thing to do—but he arrives at it through humility.

I conclude with a good wish: may the Lord help you to accomplish your present period of preparation in the most successful manner.